The Prank
by 1potterhead07
Summary: The Marauders are fed up with Snape, specifically Sirius. He can not take him anymore, especially how he walks around and talks about his, quite correct, suspicions on Remus's "furry little problem." To solve this he creates what he thinks to be the perfect plan. The ultimate Prank. But it tears apart the Marauders and destroys everyone in the process. (Wolfstar)(Jily)
1. Chapter One

**One**

_"Look, I'm sorry."_

_"No, you're not!" She countered. "Running around with the mudblood, blood traitor, and cowardly Gryffindor. Even snog a werewolf!" He froze right in his place, turning around to look at his mother. She was taller than he remembered. A small smile tugged at her mouth. "Did you think I wouldn't find out? I'm your mother, there is nothing you can hide from me or Orion."_

_"It's not what you think." He tried. He knew there was no way out of this. With Kreacher behind him and his mother in front, there was no way that he would get out of this unscathed._

"_I don't care. You are no longer my son or the heir to the Noble House of Black. You will suffer from your disrespect..."_

"_And then you will die..." Orion finished, appearing at her side. "And so will that monster. After all, he shouldn't be alive."_

_"No. No, you're wrong! Don't touch him! Don't lay a fucking FINGER on him!"_

_"That's the least of your concern." Walburga and Orion raised their wands and pointed it towards their first-born son. "Crucio!" They both yelled. He doubled over, never have they both used the curse on him at the same time. His whole body was on fire. As if his blood had been replaced with it. He felt like he was being stabbed everywhere simultaneously, over and over. Someone was surely shattering his bones. He needed it to end. His throat was surely bleeding from his screams. Just before he was going to black out, it stopped. "Beat him," Orion said plainly. Kreacher stepped forward and, with all his force, began to kick his sides and stomach and chest. Sirius looked up, his vision blurred and stars dancing at the corners. This was Kreacher, but he was larger. Just as tall as Walburga. Over and over he kicked. "Think about this. This is how the monster will die. Knowing that he is one. Being told you couldn't stand him." All Sirius wanted to think about was making it stop, but he knew he couldn't. No matter how long he had to endure it, he had to make sure Remus would be ok. That they wouldn't touch him. "Enough Kreacher. Fetch Regulus." Kreacher bowed his head and disapparated, giving time for Sirius to catch his breath. He hadn't learned to apparate yet and he was wandless, so all he could do was lay there. When he returned, he had Regulus by the elbow and threw him to the center of the room. "Regulus. Do you know that your dear brother is a traitor? You were closest to him, so you must take the most offense..." Walburga said.__"Don't you want your take?" Regulus shook his head, flashing Sirius a fearful look._

_"Cast the curse, son." Regulus didn't move. Not even as Orion handed him his wand. "Take it, son." He still didn't move. "Take it, or you will be punished alongside this boy."_

_"It's okay, Regulus," Sirius said through pants. "Please- do it, it would be way worse, anything you could ever do could never be as bad as it happening to you, especially when I could have taken your place." Slowly he grabbed the wand, face tear-streaked. "Please." Sirius pleaded. Regulus, now sobbing silently with Sirius, raised Orion's wand._

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's ok. Please." The brothers looked at each other. "Please." Regulus just stood there. Locking eyes with his brother, on the floor, on his back and clutching his side._

_"Cr-" He tried, but all that came out was a mangled sob. "Cr- I can't. I can't, don't make me." He couldn't suppress the whole body sob as he ran to his brother and clutched him, dropping Orion's wand at his feet._

_"Pity." Was all that Orion said before he picked his wand up and pointed it at Regulus. "Crucio!" He said with no expression. Sirius screamed and went to attack his father, ignoring every single nerve, every fiber that was on fire. To make a grab at his wand, do something to make Regulus stop sounding like that. He wasn't used to this type of punishment as Sirius was. He would do absolutely anything._

"_Sirius." He could hear someone call him, over everything else. "Sirius."_

He was crying. Tears streaming down his face and grunting every few seconds, breathing getting deeper and quicker. Looking down at his pale, sweaty face and trembling body, Remus shook his shoulder, having his other arm rest over his chest and face, in case Sirius woke up and tried to lash out, which he usually did. He was right. When Sirius woke, he grabbed the arm that Remus had on his shoulder and tried to twist it away, using his other to grab the forearm Remus had protectively in front of him and yank it forward. Remus was stronger than Sirius, so the effort to twist his arm away went nowhere. He quickly gave up and went to claw his face. Careful to avoid going directly at Sirius's head, he directed his boyfriend's hands away from hitting him. All of this happened in less than a second or two while Remus softly spoke out to him, using his nickname, figuring Sirius would recognize that first. "Hey, hey Padfoot. Pads. It's me. It's ok. You're safe." He froze and took in his surroundings. The fear in his eyes slowly disappearing and reappearing as embarrassment. Releasing Remus and muttering "Sorry, forgot the charm," he turned around on his side, putting his back to Remus. As much as he tried to hide it, this motion made him wince and suck in breath through gritted teeth, nothing Remus wouldn't notice.

"What charm?"

"Silencing. Go back to bed."

"Are you ok?" No answer. "Can I stay?" Yet again, Sirius said nothing. Remus stood up and put his arms under Sirius, making him flinch. He shoved him very gently a little closer to the edge, giving Remus room to climb in and lay next to them. "Wanna talk about it?" Sirius shook his head. "If it makes you feel better, you didn't wake me up. I just noticed you were starting to have a nightmare." He nodded.

"Why where you up?"

"Bad dream."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Remus shook his head. Sirius scoffed and turned around in his arms, only wincing a little, a smile playing at his lips as he feigned offense. "Making fun of me, Lupin? I'm hurt." He laughed gently, but it didn't reach his eyes. He shifted more and leaned up to kiss him, but Remus moved away a little, unnoticed by Sirius, and was about to interject but was promptly scilenced when he began trailing wet, sloppy kisses down his neck. He began to slow and move down his collar bone, leaving little pink marks. He felt a drop of something slip onto his shoulder and Remus regained his thoughts. "Pads-"

"No, shh." He cut him off. If he kept trailing downward, Remus might not have enough control to tell him to stop, which he needed to do. There are four steps to Sirius Black. Normalcy, pushing you away, making jokes, and then distracting you with something else. If you were lucky and close enough, you could see step five.

"Siri." He leaned away and squirmed downward, to be face to face with him. "It's just me. You don't have to do that with me." A few more tears fell, right down his nose and onto the pillow.

"Mum and dad... you know. But it was worse because they knew about us. Then... Regulus... they got him to... he wouldn't... so... tried to stop them" Sirius said quietly, through tears. It felt like, to Sirius, that someone shoved an ironing rod down his trachea and then proceeded to wrap wire around the skin of his neck. He didn't know why he was crying. Sirius hardly ever cried. And clearly Remus understood that and what he was saying because he didn't ask for details. Remus knew enough to work out relatively what happened. His parents tourchered him, but, like he said, it was worse. They tried to get Regulus to do it to, but he wouldn't so they tourchered him too and Sirius tried to stop them, which is why he was so frantic when he woke up. Sirius looked up at Remus expectantly. As he wipped the tears of the beautiful person in front of him, he told his own. It was only fair.

"I...hurt you... to put it lightly. You didn't come back. But for some reason, I could see and hear everything happening, so I watched as it- as the _mon_-"

"Don't say that. You aren't and neither is your wolf." He said before the other could finish. A few moments passed and he whispered, "I love you, Rem."

"I love you too, Siri."

"Let me see."

"I'm fine."

"Let me see."

"I'm _fine_." Sirius pressed again.

"Oh really?" Quickly, he made a movement towards his chest. Out of panic Sirius quickly rolled over and fell off the bed, a loud thud in his wake. Remus opened the curtains and peered down at Sirius, laying in an awkward position, grabbing his side. "Don't seem fine, my pup."

"Bloody _hell_! What was that for?!"

"Did that hurt?"

"Fuck, _yes_! _Remus_!"

"Let me see," Remus said plainly. He watched as Sirius glanced at James and Peters bed, their curtains still not drawn at the commotion. "Oh, I taught them the silencing charm. They said we were too loud most the time. In our defense, Insomnia" He pointed to himself, then to Sirius, "and nightmares. Now, let me see."

"Bloody hell. I'm fine. The worst was actually having to see old toad face." He smiled. Remus gave him the most "shut up and just do it, or else" look. Sirius scoffed and walked to the bathroom. He closed the door, leaving Remus back in the four-poster.

Carefully peeling out of his shirt, he looked at the damage. It was worse than usual, but nothing compared to how bad it was when it was actually done in person. Walburga Black had placed a simple, but irreversible spell, on her son where anytime he was away from home and had a nightmare, some of the less severe wounds and pain would transfer in the waking world, to punish him for being disruptive to others. The whole front of his torso was covered in baseball size bruises. Most were black or deep purple, that faded into lighter shades and into green. Others were brown with green centers. He had a few epidermis level scratches. As he was looking at himself, he started to cough. And cough and cough. He turned the faucet on and started to drink some, but it tasted metallic and choked it up. He had coughed up blood. Of course, that would follow him, along with a newly sore throat. Sirius spit blood into the sink and washed it out, leaving no trace. He wiped his mout and stared at himself in the mirror. He couldn't stop the overwhelmingly loud, chanting loop in his head. He shook his head and turned to leave, but someone was already standing at the door. "What? I'm fine."

"Would you put your god damn ego aside for one second and let me help you like you've helped me all those times." He bit spitefully, scanning the body of the boy in front of him.

"Okay," Sirius said after a moment, choosing to ignore the hurtful way he said that for two reasons. One, he was somewhat right and Remus just wanted to help without Sirius pushing him away, and two he was usually short-tempered around this time. "Sit," Remus said, nodding his head to the counter and opening the box from the cabinet.

Once Remus had rubbed the healing salve into his some of his bruises - Sirius insisted he does the worst ones out of fear - watch them disappear, and take a quick shower, they headed to bed, sparing a glance at the clock. They still could get in an hour of sleep. After a few moments, when Sirius thought Remus was asleep, he returned to think about his dream. What if they found out about him and Remus. What would happen then? Either way, he had to go home. He could not abandon Regulus. Never would he leave him alone in that house. His eyelids became heavier and sleep soon became unavoidable. He drifted off dreamlessly.

It was quiet in the castle, being six in the morning on a Sunday. Except for the dorm of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. The sun was just rising in the sky, the light blue and pinks clashing with the dark blue, creating purples. The stars fading out of sight. Beams of light gradually filled the room. "UP!" James cried, "UP, UP, UP!" He slung back the curtains to Peter's bed, "Get up, Peter, Quidditch tryouts today! Wonder who I'll kick and who I'll let join." He smiled mischievously. Slowly, he walked over to Sirius's bed. Looking over at Peter, he winked and counted to three silently. He yanked the curtains back and looked at his two friends. "They could have been _snogging_!" Peter whined, but they weren't. Remus was on his side, his arm on Sirius, who was in a ball with his mouth slightly parted.

"Oh, right. UP!" He screeched. Sirius woke with a start and glanced around.

"We could've been snogging." He said, groggily.

"That's what Wormy had said. Now, UP! Tryouts today!"

"I'm up, I'm up." James nor Peter asked where his shirt was. Sirius reached for the curtain and slung it back, calling through them, "Give me ten minutes, unless you fancy waking Remus up."

"Nope," James said, walking away and going to the bathroom. No one could peacefully wake Remus. He was a heavy sleeper, but when you managed to wake him up, he would throw something at you or kick you. The only person able to wake him up gently, especially on a day like today, was Sirius. He... well whatever it was he did it always worked. Ten minutes later, Remus, with his eyes half closed and his pants hanging low on his waist, appeared out of the four-poster. "Good morning, Moony!" James exclaimed. He acknowledged this by making a noise in his throat and said something that relatively sounded like "yeah."

~~~~

"Oi! James!" Sirius said, smacking James on the back of his head with a potions book. This was the fourth time he called his name.

"Ow, what the hell Pads?" He looked back, confused, to which Sirius laughed.

"You're droolin' a bit." Down the table sat a girl with deep red wavy hair, beautiful green eyes, and a slim figure. Wearing her hair in a messy bun, white shirt and yoga pants. She was kind. Brave and smart and friendly, but she was a spitfire. She was why James was unaware of Sirius calling his name.

"Am not!" None the less, he wiped his chin subconsciously.

"You were a little, mate." Peter chimed in timidly, putting some more food onto his plate and yawning. "Six o' clock is too early to wake up for a Sunday. We didn't even get down here till Seven thirty! _And_ we have to wake up even earlier tomorrow!" He whined.

"And Remus?" James inquired, clearly wanting his opinion, as he looked up and across the table at where Remus had previously been sitting. "Where'd he go? He was here a second ago." No one answered his question. Remus had been going to the library more and more the past few days, a sure sign something was on his mind. He had been eating less and sleeping more, though he was still tired. No one could see his face as it was usually hidden behind a book, but if you could you would see his sunken, tired eyes and pale complexion. He stopped talking and had a shorter temper. Any other friend would ask what was wrong, but the three already knew. "I believe it is my turn to take notes," James said quietly after a moment.

"No need," Remus said as he sat down once more. He didn't reach for food, just the new book he had obviously retrieved momentarily from the library. "Talked to the teachers. Tomorrow Dumbledore said all them are meeting to talk through school stuff with the minister all day. Got the day off." He opened his book to page fifty and began to read.

"Well look who's off the hook." Said a voice behind James and Sirius. Peter looked up and squeaked, Remus didn't spare a glance at the familiar taunting tune, James and Sirius spun around in their seats. The voice was tall with long, black, greasy hair. Narrow hooked nose and black eyes.

"Look who's somehow found a way to make their hair more greasy. It's Snivellius! Obviously, his parents haven't told him to wash- oh wait. They probably haven't said anything to him. Too busy trying to kill each other...or you. What's that like being-" James shot back, but Sirius cleared his throat and gave him a weary look.

"At least I'm not a super spoiled brat with blood traitors as parents, and that I can do more than just take notes for someone else who leaves every month to be his true nature. A cold-blooded killing monst-"

"Don't you even fucking think about finishing that statement!" Lily, who was sitting two seats down, shot up faster than James and Sirius ever could. She was at his side before anyone could process what happened. The two had their wands raised against Snape, who held his low at his side, concealed. Before either of the two could hex Snape, Lily was dragging him off. "Outside, now." Snape flinched from her tone and followed her out. The three and many others around them who were listening watched Lily walk Snape out of the Great Hall, her face matching the color of her bright red curly hair. "He can't keep walking around," Sirius said spitefully, his face contorted with rage.

"We have to plan a prank to get him back."

"One where he won't keep walking around with that tongue of his." James countered

"Yeah, he wants a monster we'll give him a monster." Remus slammed his book closed, resulting in Peter almost falling out of his seat.

"No." He deadpanned, looked back and forth between the two of his friends.

"We just need to scare him in some way! Make him know not to fuck with the Mauraders!" Sirius said, rising a little in his seat.

"I'm not getting you out of trouble this time, then." He said not meeting his eyes and returning to his book. Someone called for James from the Ravenclaw table, so he got up and disappeared in the crowd. It took Sirius a few minutes to realize why Remus had really closed his book. He didn't care about them pranking Snape.

"Rem." He hesitated, "I'm sorry. Like I said last night, you're not. Everyone has their own ...monsters... but that doesn't mean you are them." Sirius said, grabbing his hand and trying to catch his eye.

Remus didn't answer, only smiled softly, and retracted his hand. Suddenly, someone grabbed Sirius's shoulders and shouted close to his ear his name. Out of fear he jumped up and away from the noise, but out of instinct he flinched and curled up a little, bringing his hands to his face. "Shit, sorry Siri. Anyways-" James paid no attention to this exchange and went on a rant about his prank ideas, too excited to know no one was listening.

"Take it from me. Just because you grow up around them doesn't mean you are them." He whispered, mostly to himself. And at that, Remus finally looked up and smiled and appreciative smile towards Sirius. For the final time, Remus opened his book and continued reading, leaving Sirius to start converging with James. During talking the room gradually filled with people and the mail began to come. James got a package of sweets from his mom, adressed to "my two sons." SIrius spent enough time over there to the point where she considered him one. Remus got a letter from his father as well as Peter. Sirius, however, got an unmarked letter. But he knew who it was from. With sad eyes, he went to pick it up, but Remus, with lightning speed, snatched it up and tore into it. "Hey!" He snapped. "I think I can read my own letters from my parents, this has gone on long enough."

"Mate we're just trying to help. Besides we tell you the important stuff. You have to live with her, you shouldn't have to deal with her _all_ the time." James said, glancing at the letter. Like taking notes for Remus, they took turns reading his letters from home.

"Yeah. Tell me honestly you're not happier without hearing all this." Remus said with a grimace. "I mean there's no point to this." It really did hurt Remus's heart to read these things. These were things he knew Sirius grew up listening to, in person, on a loop. Things like _disappointment, you will be punished for your actions when you arrive home, blood traitor, unworthy_. Most the time they even went as far as to tell him that he didn't deserve love and should just put an end to himself. "_Incendio_." They all watched as the paper burned and disappear.

At some point, the four had moved from the Great Hall to the quart yard, where Remus finished his book and James and Peter threw a Quaffle back and forth, to help "practice." When Peter asked how he was able to get it, James said, very smugly, that quidditch captain came with certain privileges.

Outside was beautiful. It was spring and the sun peaked out from behind clouds, making the world turn bright and dim randomly. The trees were just starting to grow back their leaves, so everything seemed greener and came with a fresher scent. Remus sat under the tree in his book as Sirius watched the people around him, mostly James and Peter. Lily and Marlene were sitting on the docks with their feet just grazing the top of the water. Hufflepuffs were in clusters and the Slytherins were in pairs, some pairs having a third person, which so happened to be a Ravenclaw. No one was in their robes, just casual wear, apart from the Ravenclaws. Sirius moved his attention to Remus. He was reading a red book with silver binding. It looked relatively new, but the pages were worn. His sandy curly hair covered most of his face, as he was looking down, but the light pink scars were visible at his chin. His hand didn't waver once, even under the weight of the thick book he was holding. He always had this newfound strength and steadiness near this time. "I'm going inside Siri," He said abruptly, standing up. "I can't take the smell and it's too bright. Welcome to join." Sirius scrambled to his feet and began to follow.

"Smell? Too bright?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Oh. Right, okay." Remus scoffed. Sirius had been too lost in his thoughts to remember. Besides, around full moon he had so many quirks. His sight became enhanced along with his smell and hearing. It was probably a sensory overload type situation. "I'll be back." Sirius said as he turned around and began to walk away.

"Avoid the fifth corridor, that's where Snape is," Remus said after him.


	2. Chapter Two

**Two**

Although Sirius had no intention of seeking out Snape, how could he resist when Remus oh-so-specifically told him where he was. And it did help that it was on the way to the dungeon, where he was planning to go and retrieve a potion to help Remus out. He would just make a stop along the way, that's all. "Let it _go_!" A voice said.

"But-!" Another tried to start.

"Severus! Stop. This obsession is unhealthy and kinda creepy. He is not what you think he is."

"Parkinson-"

"Noo. _No_! Shut up, stop. I'm not saying something weird isn't going on. I'm simply saying that there is no way in hell that he's that type of monster! You've got to stop this, I mean they'd never let... _that_ on the grounds!"

"It makes _sense_ though! _Think_ about it. Plus he's already an angry, sad person and he has ugly scars all over him, I mean you've seen him! I'm telling you, he is a monster, a werewolf!" Snape persisted. "I bet Potter has something to do with it too. The whole gang, but especially Potter. And _Black. _Ugh. You know, I think I'm gonna tell Narcissa about them."

"What do you mean?" All the blood seemed to have drained from Sirius for he became very shaky.

"Black and Lupin are a thing." He could tell by the way Snape said it that he was pleased with himself.

"What? No, they're not."

"Ask anyone in Gryffindor, not that they'd tell you though."

"Well, how do you know that then. I thought Sirius was gonna marry... uhh... what's her face."

"Nope. One... well like I said, he's a fag. Two, his parents have said he's a blood traitor and everything so they're not gonna make him marry someone and stay in the family. It's only a matter of time before they kill him or something. Maybe, just maybe... if I tell Narcissa, it will get back to his parent's and we'll never have to worry about that bastard again."

"Please let it go," Parkinson whined. "I'm tired of these theories. But definitely tell Narcissa. There's a chance that if he comes back he'll be too weak to do anything back... Bye Severus." He laughed. There were footsteps that receded away, so Sirius peeked around the corner. Parkinson was no longer in sight, but Snape was leaning against the far wall next to the door into one of the classes.

He had to do something from keeping Snape telling Narcissa, and keep him from telling more people about his theory. If word got back to his parents, then Snape would be right. He probably wouldn't get back to school or see his friends again. Ever. And it would be worse if Snape even told them exacty _what_ type of guy he was going out with. The worst part of it all wouldn't even be what would happen to him. It would be what happened to Remus. Word would spread like wild fire during the dry season. It would put every teacher who knew, especially Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, and McGonagall, at risk. The ministry would get involved and expel him. Werewolves weren't supposed to be educated. It would destroy him. And Sirius would be _damned_ if he sat by and let a bully do that to him, all the while feeling no remorse. He walked around the corner and feigned surprise as he saw Snape at the end of the corridor. "Snivellius! What a surprise."

"What do you want, Black?" He spat. He still didn't move from where he was standing. Sirius trailed his hand along the stone of the walls, taking each step toward the greasy-headed Slytherin in a taunting manner.

"Heard a rumor."

"About?"

"You've been spreading lies. You _actually_ think that Remus could be that?"

"Don't play coy, you know what he is. You're with him all the time. And you would know... seeing as how you're... _under_ him." He smiled.

"No idea what you're talking about." He said. And it would have been convincing, but his voice faltered.

"Yes. You do. I saw you snogging in the second lower corridor. You know what your family will do when-"

"You're one to talk."

"Mine don't use Unforgiveables. They don't leave me barely breathing. So imagine what they would do if they knew you were... how do I put it... a -"

"I can help you see where he goes every month." Sirius cut him off, giving him a glare as he leaned against the wall, about ten feet from him. Sirius didn't know what he was saying, but he liked it. Quicker than he could think it through, he formulated a plan. "The Whomping Willow."

"Yes?" Snape asked snarkily, though clearly intrigued.

"That's where he goes."

"What do you mean. You can't get close to it, that's suicide." It was written all over his face, he was as hooked as his nose.

"Not unless you know how to get around it." There was malice in the smile Sirius gave the boy across him.

"And how do you do that?"

"There's a knot in the roots, just above the hole that leads into the ground. Can't miss it, it's pretty big. Hit it, and it freezes for ten seconds. Dive in the hole, you'll slide to the bottom, and there's a passageway. At the end is where we go." He pressed off against the wall and took a few more steps closer, now about an arm's length from him. This was the absolute, most _perfect_ plan.

"Where does - wait _we_?" Snape paused mid-sentence.

"He. I meant he." Sirius corrected himself, a little too quickly. Snape narrowed his eyes and shifted his weight to one leg in a disbelieving manner.

"You said we."

"Well, I meant he. Mispronounced it."

"Where does it go?" Snape asked, seemingly deciding to get more details than to stick to one smaller more trivial point.

"You have to find that out on your own, _Snivellius_."

"How do you get close enough to hit the knot?"

"Tsk tsk. On. Your. Own." Sirius said, very mockingly. Leaning against the wall that showed there was nothing more he would tell him. "Good to see you like this. Interested by something that isn't as dark as You-Know-Who."

"You say that knowing that the Blacks are just as involved."

"The fact that you know just _exactly_ _how_ involved they are says you are too. I don't talk business with them. Which means you do." Snape visibly paled and very quickly began to sputter, trying to formulate words. "Don't worry if I wanted to rat you out I would."

"Slytherin tendencies still ingrained in you I see?" He said after a moment, regaining some of his color and appearing a waxy yellow once more. A look of newly found superiority on his face. It took him a moment for him to realize that there wasn't much of a threat of Sirius telling someone. There would be too many questions and Sirius's own family would have to get involved, meaning complete death on his part.

"_No_."

"Gonna use it to your own advantage? Just like your Mum would do? No, no, you're worse she is. Indulging in your twisted fantasies of beastiality." Whatever held Sirius back so far had completely vanished. He threw his fist at lightning speed into the greasy haired boy's jaw, who stumbled into the wall, sliding to the floor. Sirius shook his hand and gazed over it. "For a dickless little boy, you sure are fucking ballsy." Sirius snapped.

"Hit a nerve have I?"

"It will only work if you go there after midnight." He changed subjects so abruptly that if it was a physical action both boys would have received a severe case of whiplash. "When no ones around." _To hear you scream._ "Have fun." He turned his back and stormed away down the corridor.

\--

Anger welled up in him as he stormed down the halls to potions, not paying attention when he stumbled into people, and when they, in turn. gave him crude hand gestures. _He's a _person._ Snivellius has no right to say what he did. He deserved what he got._

_Then why do you feel bad_? His subconscious argued.

_I don't you git._

_You're not only angry at him, you're angry at yourself._

_Why would I be__?_

_You just told someone's darkest secret. You just sentenced a school bully to a death sentence, or wose a curse for life. Then sealed it by punching him because he was taunting your relationship._ Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. He just _told _Severus Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow, and he didn't even _think _about what he was doing, which made it worse. Snape was right. He was just as bad, if not worse, than his mother. He began to feel very dizzy. All he could hear was the blood rushing in his ear and all he could feel was his heart beating against his ribcage at a wild speed, as if trying to escape. He started to hyperventilate. Looking around him for an exit, but it was hard to process anything when the world seemed to only be registered through a small tunnel.

_WhathaveIdoneWhathaveIdoneWhathaveIDONE??!! _His head screamed. He had only felt like this one time, and it was with his first ever fight with Remus. He was having a Panic Attack. Then, Remus had come in and calmed him down, telling him they were fine and nothing would change. He was still loved. Remus was the only one who could penetrate his walls enough for him to listen to some sense. This time, Remus wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that. If he had more, he would have to deal with them alone.

He had to try to find Snape. He would most likely already be in his dorms though, he rarely ever went to the hospital wing for things like this. The only other options would be to wait for him by the Willow or tell James and pray he would help and forgive him. There was nothing in him that told him Remus would. Remus would _never_ forgive him.

He didn't deserve it, even if Remus somehow did.

The corridor, however, still moved around him. People were walking, talking, reading, laughing, running, swimming outside in the lake. The world didn't exist to Sirius Black. It did, however, exist to a girl with bright red hair pulled up in a messy bun. She was walking the corridor, on her way to the Gryffindor common room from the library. She had a few books cradled between one arm and her waist. With her other arm, she held a book in her hand that obscured her beautiful green eyes. The stone was cold on her bare feet, especially since they were still slightly wet from the lake, but she took no notice. She was engulfed in the book she possesed. Lily Evans always had the same talent as Remus. They both could read and walk without getting hurt or running into anyone or anything. Today was an exception. She was in the middle of learning the true murderer, the name Agatha Christie branded on the cover, when she tripped and her books sprawled across the floor in front of her. Lily turned, ready to tell off whatever had disrupted her walk, or to make sure they were ok. Whichever way it went, she was still slightly annoyed. But all of that disappeared when she saw a boy, curled into a ball and hugging one of his knees on the ground against the wall, the other out in front of him. It took her a moment to process that this boy was Sirius Black. He looked smaller and was breathing shallowly and unevenly, like he didn't know how to breathe properly.

This took Lily completely by surprise. Sirius Black was a composed, funny, obnoxious, care-free person who didn't give a damn about anything he did. A person who was intensely loyal and never showed his emotions to others. She had only just learned what his home life was, since she was the new girlfriend of one, James Potter, and they came as a package deal. They also confirmed her suspicion on Remus Lupin being a werewolf, which was absolutely no shock to her. In a few days time was spring break. Everyone would be going home for a week. _Maybe that's what's wrong_, she thought to herself. _Maybe he has to go home._ But there was something wrong. He and James were attached at the hip. If that was what was wrong, James would be here comforting him._ So it must be something else..._

"Sirius?" There was no response. If he was having a panic attack, or anxiety attack maybe, then he wouldn't necessarily hear her. How do you handle someone, who always seems so composed, that is curled up on the floor having an attack of some sort. What if this was common? How would James or Remus handle this? She didn't necessarily have time to go get them. _His _nickname_ maybe! That might be more familiar to comfort._ "Padfoot?" No response. She shoved her books to the side and slide close to him, she rubbed his shoulder a little and then retracted her hand. Were you supposed to touch someone who is in this state? She read a book the other day on how to handle this. She just had to remember.

He couldn't hear anything, not until he felt pressure on his shoulder. Slowly, he started to hear a voice. It was familiar, but he couldn't place it. "Padfoot, I need to know you can hear me. Tap your finger or nod your head. I don't want to have to leave you and go get Madam Pomfrey, not in this state." It took him all the strength and concentration he had in him to drum his finger against his knee. He heard the voice sigh in relief. "Respond by drumming your fingers if your answer is a no, understand? Ok. Can I touch you?" He didn't move. Very carefully Lily sat against the wall right next to him and put her arm around his shoulder. He slunk into her side just a little, still not uncurling from his protective partial ball. "Ok Padfoot. I need you to take deep _breaths_ in, through your nose for ten seconds and let it out for fifteen." He felt as his torso expanded against the wall and her side, complying with this request. He wasn't keeping track of how many he was doing, but at some point she asked him to breathe in for ten seconds and breath out for ten, then hold his breath for five. Soon enough, his breathing began to regulate on its own. "Ok. Listen closely. What is one thing you can taste? Do you remember what you had for breakfast?"

_Toast. I had toast._

"What are two things you can smell?" She paused, allowing him time to think. With each new question she asked, she waited longer to ask the next one.

_Your perfume. The dust of the rocks of the castle._

"What are three things you hear?"

_Laughter. Footsteps. People talking._

"You are going to have to look up now, but it's ok. What are four things you can touch?"

Sirius shifted his head out of the crook of his arm enough to uncover his eyes. Looking around he could see millions of things he could touch. The books on the floor. The messy red curls of Lily sitting beside him. The stone walls and floors and all the _people_ around him.

"Now, if you can. Say five things you can see around you." He took a very deep breath. He still felt panicky, but it was manageable.

"Your Agatha Christie novel. Messy red hair. The brown stone. Blue sky outside with white stretched clouds. And a friend who is about to leave me." He looked sadly over at Lily.

"Are you ok is a stupid question, so you're just going to have to answer honestly."

"No. I did something. Something bad. I'm not going to be forgiven. Ever. Remus will leave me. James will stop seeing me as his brother, and Peter will _tail_ along." He smirked, even at a time like this, he could make a bad pun. Lily, however, just rolled her eyes.

"Can't be that bad. It's Potter. He will forgive you, I know it."

"You won't when you figure it out."

"I already have." Lily leaned over and kissed him on the top of his head, then helped him up. "Are you going to be ok?"

"Yes, I will be fine." There was a boyish smile on his face, as if everything that happened only seconds ago didn't. She seemed to buy it and picked up her books. Lily Evans didn't need to know this was his second one he's ever experienced, or that he often woke from nightmares full of anxiety, or the fact that he delt with so much anxiety all the time.

_"You have PTSD, not just GAD."_

_"Yeah, Proficiant Talent for Sucking your D-"_

_"Pads, I'm being serious. You can't always avoid talking about it."_

_"It's just anxiety with a past. LIke a two-for-one. No one else goes to others with anxiety, so why should I, Remus?"_

"See you around then, Sirius." And with that, she turned the corner and disappeared.

A half-hour was wasted because of Sirius's breakdown. Now he only had five hours till the sun set. So, he did the one thing he could think of. He turned around and sprinted through the castle. Looking down every corridor he could find, every secret passageway, every nook and cranny to find Snape and try to Obliviate him. He searched for a few hours, inside and outside the castle. Asked Parkinson and Carrow even. It was beginning to be dinner time, so his final hope was Snape would be sitting at the Slytherin table. He walked through the corridor with aching legs and heavy breathing. He felt like he did when he was on the train ride to his own house. Full of despair and anxiety. This was the last chance before he would _have _to tell James. He would tell Remus later. Peeking around the corner and into the Great Hall, where he had a great view of the Slytherin table, he scanned the crowd for a greasy-haired boy. His heart sank to the bottom of his stomache. Snape was not anywhere but the one place he couldn't go. He was in the Slytherin dormatories.


	3. Chapter Three

**Three**

Lily would have not noticed the boy if she hadn't looked. "Sirius!" She called. She was the only one who saw his face before he pulled an empty, vacant look over it. No one could read his usual resting face, not even Remus. The only reason she could, right here, right now, was because she saw the hopeless, gutted look in his eyes before he did so. Whatever he had his fit over was still in his mind. The three boys sitting near her turned their heads and beckoned him over as well.

Sirius slumped off the wall, thinking of how screwed he was. Even more so when he saw their faces filled with an anxious look, Lily's an almost guilty one. She had told them about his panic attack. He pulled on his usual empty blank face and tried to walk his usual walk, but it seemed impossible when the floor pulled at his attention and his shoulders seemed to be a million times more heavy. He glanced once more at the Slytherin table, still no Snape. But someone else did catch his eye. Regulus. Regulus could be counted on enough to deliver the message. He glanced back at his four friends and held up his pointer finger, signaling for them to wait just a moment. He practically sprinted over to the table, not caring about all the looks he was getting. "Reg- Regulus, I need help." He said, standing over him. The smaller boy jumped in his seat, he hadn't seen his older brother walking up.

"Oh. It's you. What do you want."

"Regulus, I need a favor."

"What makes you think you can ask for a favor?" He asked, his face screwed up in annoyance and disgust. Sirius scoffed. He forgot about the harsh appearance he had to put up for his safety. Then he remembered, they had a simple code if they were ever in serious trouble and needed help. They came up with it before Sirius started his first year. He glanced at the people sitting around his younger brother. They were all listening intently. Sirius stood up a little straighter and looked him right in the eyes.

"It's about our family estate." That was enough for Regulus. His face fell for a slight moment, before pulling his mask on again.

"Alright. Follow me." He sighed heavily, standing up and walking out of the Great Hall. They walked for down the corridor and into an empty classroom, locking the door behind them and putting up a silencing charm. "What is this about, Sirius? Are you ok?" His voice was uncertain.

"I messed up."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. About what?"

"One of my friends, he has a secret and Snape found it out, I lied and said he was wrong and told him how to find out for himself. I messed up. Snape will die or worse, and- and- and..." He trailed off, hiccupping. A small stream of tears were falling down his face.

"I know. Snape told me. Not the secret, but about you and Remus... is that it?" Sirius's heart stopped.

"He told you...?" He barely whispered.

"Yeah. I don't care. No matter what I might say, outside this classroom, I really don't care."

"Thanks, Reg."

"That it?"

"No, that's not the secret. It's worse." Regulus tensed.

"What can be worse... to the wizarding world... than that?"

"Just listen. I need you to tell Snape that I lied. I lied completely. It won't work. That he'll get hurt, or worse die. I was angry that he knew about me and Remus and told him that to try and hurt him."

"You can't say that. He'll tell Narcissa or Mom, or Dad, about you two. Sirius... she would kill you. And you are coming home this break, Salazar knows why." A surge of protectiveness rolled through him. Without thinking, he grabbed his younger brothers arm and pulled his sleeve back. Not only was his skin ice cold, but there were bruises and lashes that ran across his forearm. His little brother's skin was probably more cold than his own, which was saying something. After years of the Cruciatis Curse, circulation becomes an issue.

"_That's_ why." He spat. "How many times?"

"A few," Regulus whispered, jerking his arm back and shoving his sleeve down.

"If I come home, and I'm worse than you, convince their minds that their torment is what turned me like this-"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Sirius," Regulus said fiercely, but it was followed by a bark of a laugh from his older brother.

"Not in their minds, you know that. Just... please try and convince him not to."

"To what?" Sirius shook his head sadly.

"Snape will know." He sighed. It was silent between the two. "Hit me." He said abruptly

"What?"

"Hit me. If you punch me in the eye, it'll look good to your friends. Be more protected, I know I jeopardize that."

"No! I'll be fine."

"Just do it... hold back a little though. You have a strong left hook."

"How the hell do you know that?" Regulus asked, very surprised.

"Did you or did you not win a fist fight against an older Ravenclaw?" The younger boy didn't respond. "Hurry up. I'm quite hungry and would like to eat before I don't have the chance." Regulus sighed heavily.

"Hold still." Sirius squeezed his eyes shut just in time to feel a fist connect with his cheekbone. He stumbled back a few steps before he straightened up. When he opened his eyes, his younger brother was shaking his wrist and inspecting his knuckles. Sirius pulled him into a tight hug, his brother only resisting for a second. He whispered a soft "thanks" before letting go and walking out of the classroom. Together they walked in silence to the Great Hall, then went their separate ways.

Sirius saw the alarm in all of their faces even more plainly now. He plopped down between Lily and Peter, James and Remus sitting across from him. "Bloody hell, did Regulus-"

"I told him to, James, calm down." Sirius waved him off.

"Why?" Peter asked, completely dumbfounded. They all stared at him. Each of them has probably explained his and Regulus's relationship thoroughly to him twice, but then, he never did think before he spoke. He felt James kick him under the table, but even if he didn't he would have known based on Peter's loud squeak and jump. "Are you okay, Sirius?" James asked, very hesitant.

"'Course I am, why wouldn't I be?" All eyes were on Lily before briefly returning.

"Sirius-"

"I'm fine. Really. I just had a moment. I'm _fine_, James."

"The only person here who might believe that is Peter, mate," Lily said tentatively.

"Look, Sirius, is it because of Regulus? You don't have to go to that house, mate, really, he will be ok. It's you you're parent's have a go at. Please, come home."

"It's only partly that. The other part is you won't want me there after you learn something pretty significant..." He looked at Remus, who hadn't said anything. He was sure that the boy was trying to read him and understand what was going on. He could probably sense the guilt and fear radiating off of him. His eyes were understanding, but calculating. His expression changed to a question. Later? It seemed to say. Sirius shook his head and looked down at his empty plate. Then he knew Remus understood it involved him, because he stood up and slung his outdoor cloak on. "I'm going to the infirmary. Bye."

"This early?" Peter asked, glancing out the window.

"Yes." He snapped coldly, and without another word, he stalked out of the Great Hall.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" James kicked him in the shin again and Sirius's eyes filled with tears yet again, but he would be damned if he let them fall. This wasn't how he acted. Ever. With a shuttering breath, he looked at James.

"I told Snape."

"What?"

"I told him."

"About _what_...?" His voice grew concerned and he glanced at the Slytherin table.

"Remus."

"Why?!" James yelled, which brought the eyes of a few people around them.

"He knew about me and Remus, and he knew about his condition and he kept telling people. About both secrets. I didn't even think. I told him how to get passed the willow because a part of me..." He trailed off, leaving the words _wanted him dead_ hanging in the air. "That's why I had a fit. I knew I was just like my family then, and that I'm going to lose my friends, and they won't forgive me because I don't _deserve_ to be forgiven." He began to babble, but James cut him off.

"We have- _I_ have to save him! You, just, go, now go, somewhere-" He said, standing up abruptly and running out of the Great Hall, calling for Peter to follow on the way out.

"Bye, Sirius." He whispered before joining him.


	4. Chapter Four

**Four**

Sirius turned to Lily, his eyes conveying how desperate he was. "I'm so sorry. I know you don't like it when-"

"I don't _care_ about Severus, Padfoot. I stopped being friends with him when he chose the Dark Arts over good. I am worried about you. Look, if James doesn't want you coming to his house anymore, come to mine."

"You're not... you don't hate me?" _I'm just like my family_, he thought to himself.

"Oh, no. I'm furious. I just think you need someone. And I know how scared people can do crazy things. That's why you did it... didn't you?" Sirius nodded numbly and mutely. "Let's get you back to the-"

"No. I can't. I can't go back to the common room or dormitory." Lily looked at him sadly.

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice."

~

James flew through the corridors, swinging his cloak open and whipping out the Marauder's Map. Snape was in his dormitories. They had enough time to run to theirs and grab the invisibility cloak. "Come on, Peter! We have to hurry!" He called over his shoulder, not even slowing down in his sprinting.

"James-"

"Peter, come _on_!"

"James Potter! You listen to me right now!" The stout boy shouted. It was almost frightening, Peter had never yelled at any of the other Marauders before. James stared at him, a question resting in his eyes. "We don't need the cloak. You can go to the edge of the forest and transform and wait for him there. I can go and talk to Dumbledore. Who the hell knows when Snape will decide to come out of his scaley hole. But it will probably be sooner, even if Sirius had told him to wait, which he probably did. He's going to be too curious."

"Wormtail... you..." He inhaled a shaky breath. "You're right. Go to Dumbledore. I'll wait. And please. Hurry. Get there in under thirty minutes if you can." James turned around and began walking towards the front entrance. There was no one in the corridors, everyone was either in the library, in the Great Hall, or their House, so it was easy for him to slip to the edge of the forest and change into his stag form. He hid between the trees, it was just getting to be dark, and the moon had to appear over the mountain. They had about twenty minutes at this point, give or take, before the moon began to rise over the peak. As a side thought, looking back it didn't seem all that early for Remus to be heading out, he was just distracted. From just at the edge of his earshot, he heard footsteps approaching, and he pounced behind a tree, only peaking out his head to see Madam Pomfrey walking Remus to the Shrieking Shack. The boy must have sensed James, because the boy suddenly looked right at him and nodded his understanding. Remus didn't even bother looking around for two more animals, he just looked back at the ground, mumbling something to Madam Pomfrey, and slipped down the secret tunnel to the shack. She seemed very concerned because she almost went after him. Clearly, she thought better because she hung her head and sulked back to the castle.

James began to worry. They were always in the room with Remus when he transformed. It always made the wolf at ease to be brought out of that with animals by him, but today he was going to do it all alone. On top of that, he was stressed. This moon was gonna be a rough one. And it was all because Sirius didn't think about what he was doing. He never thought. Somewhere inside him, he knew that wasn't true. Sirius did almost anything he could to keep James and Peter and Remus from getting angry at him, because at home that's all he got. And when people got angry at him, he expected pain. So, Sirius being Sirius, always thought if he ever did anything wrong, it would be more painful than what his mom could do.

Sadly, maybe he was right. After tonight he was going to be alone for a long while.

Almost forty-five minutes of pacing back and forth between the trees at the edge of the forest, sliding in and out of the shadows they cast, a small, greasy-haired figure slipped out from the side of the castle, eyeing the willow intently. The boy slumped out of the shadows and into the light of the moon, causing James to shift out of his animagus form quickly. He waited until he was closer to reveal himself. "Severus! _Stop_!" He cried.

It looked as though Snape had a heart attack, he jumped so high and took such deep breaths with a surprised look, it looked like he just ran ten miles and then was told he was going to have to go back again. His expression changed relatively swiftly, however. He screwed up his face in disgust and called back, "Try and stop me!" Then he sprinted to the edge of the tree's reach. Calculating a way to get past the braches without dying, then James saw the understanding on his face, and he saw his eyes stare at the knot above the hold into the ground. Severus promptly began searching the ground for a long stick. James had already begun running to him, but he wasn't as fast on the ground as he was in the air with a broom, or in stag form. While Severus's back was turned, he changed once more and sprinted a few meters to him, appearing behind him once again as his human self right as he picked up a long tree branch. "No!" James yelled, trying to grab it from him.

"Let _go_!" Severus yelled, pulling back and swinging him dangerously close to the tree's reach.

"No! Severus, stop!" He screamed and the boy stabbed him with the end, making him stumble down to the ground. He was about to roll over and take another grab at it, but a loud wooshing sound and an almost worried look from Snape told him to look up. And when he did, he was a large knot swinging down at him at top speed. There wasn't time to roll out from under it in any direction. He was going to get squashed. So, he did the one sensible thing. He threw his arms up over his face.

Because that was going to protect him.

He waited a few seconds, but nothing happened.

James looked up. There was a frozen tree knot just half a meter above him. But, Severus was gone.

He shuffled to his feet and dove down into the tunnel, sprinting after Severus. "Stop!" He tried again. "Stop it! I'll do _anything_, just come _back_!" He heard his voice echo down the tunnel. "You are going to _die_!" The response he got back, was not a great one. Instead of words, he got a loud, angry, and long growl that bounced off the walls, followed by a howl. James was about to change into a deer and run for Snape, but something toppled into him that was unmistakenly human.

"You really _are_ trying to _kill_ me!" The boy shouted, getting to his feet and sprinting to the opening, sticking his hand out and hitting the tree root before jumping out. Hopefully, he was ok.

There was heavy breathing that James could feel run down his neck close by. He was sure that Remus was down the tunnel, maybe halfway to him right now. And it took everything in him not to meet him there, but right now, he had to make sure Severus wasn't going to do anything, and more importantly, that he wasn't hurt.


	5. Chapter Five

**Five**

Sirius sat shaking on his bed. He knew that Lily shouldn't be here when this went down. This was about the original four marauders outcasting one of its members.

That, however, did not mean he wished she was still there.

He had no idea when any of them were going to get back or what would happen when they did, but he did know it was not going to be good. Whatever did happen, he was sleeping downstairs on the common room couch tonight. The whole night Sirius glanced up at the night sky through the window and looked at stared at the door. Maybe he would accidentally burn a hole through it. Around twelve in the morning, the door swung open and James came in, who was followed by Peter. He glanced at the boy on the edge of the bed. Sirius wasn't even trying to pull a mask on and making his face unreadable. It would be too much right not to ask of him.

James, on the other hand, looked at Sirius with such indifference, it appeared as though he was meeting a stranger on the street. There was no love, no hate, no questioning eyes. Just nothing. And somehow it was worse. "Why?" Is all he asked, after a few minutes of blank staring and Peter's nervous squirming.

"I don't know."

"That isn't good enough." Again, there was no emotion to his voice.

"I didn't think- I didn't think about what- I don't know. I can only come up with subconscious reasons. They still aren't good enough. I know." James continued to stare at the boy.

"Do you even realize what could have happened?"

"Yes."

"No." James sighed, his voice was slowly starting to tint with anger. "No, you don't Sirius. If Snape had gotten hurt, Remus would never forgive himself. If he had gotten bitten, Remus would feel even worse. I don't think he would have stuck around. And if Snape had _died_, not only would he not be here, but he would be in Azkaban without a trial. He would be there forever. Not getting out. Not finishing what he loves - school, and never ever being able to live with himself. He would be stuck living his worst memory over and over, and they would hurt him further with silver laced things because that's what they do. And _even WORSE_?!" He screamed, looking at the boy who's eyes were on the floor. "Everyday that would have been happening, he would have told himself that he fucking _DESERVED IT!! _That the _ONE_ PERSON HE ALLOWED HIMSELF TO LOVE THOUGHT THIS WAY ABOUT HIM!! _BLOODY MARY, _he is _STILL_ going to think that!! After all of this and all of that and how we showed him he's worthy of feeling fucking _loved_ you go and do _THIS_?! OF _ALL_ THE SHITTY THINGS SIRIUS, THIS?!! And he's TELLING HIMSELF HE FUCKING _DESERVES__ IT!! _Do you _ACTUALL_Y comprehend in your tiny brain what you have just done?!" Sirius wanted to cry, but he couldn't. He just felt empty. "You always say how scared you are of becoming your parents."

_Please don't say it._ Sirius silently plead.

"But you shouldn't be. You already are. Maybe that's why you saw you're parent's in the Mirror of Erised the first time." James took a few more steps towards his bed and pulled the curtain back, but before he crawled in, he turned his head and said over his shoulder, "You know, mirrors don't just show your reflection. When you look at one you see you on how you see you, _internally. _So go look at one and watch it crack. You'll realize that's how others see you too." Once James slammed his curtains shut, or as angrily as you can close curtains, Peter mouthed a "sorry" to Sirius before slipping into bed as well. The only thing left for Sirius to know was how it went down and what happened. He wouldn't know Snape and James met Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, and Peter at the front doors, all looking anxious. Sirius didn't know that Dumbledore made sure Snape was a non-threat. Sirius didn't know that he was almost bitten by his friend Remus, or that there wasn't going to be any adminidtrative punishment because, as Dumbledore said to James and Peter, 'What will happen to him by your group is already a punishment in itself.' and walked away.

What Sirius did know, was that he felt empty. Hollow. Like a shell with no insides to guide it. So, the next morning, he found himself still awake, but on the couch of the common room. He was vaguely aware of the figures moving around him. He just watched the fire in the fireplace and sat on the couch in the common room he didn't deserve. Lily tried talking to him, but he would just make small humming noises as a response. He wouldn't be attending breakfast that morning. Just like he wouldn't be attending meals for a while.

Today they got the day off, which meant he could sit there all day, but there would be too many people and too many questions. So instead, he went upstairs to pack up his suitcase. He was going home for the holidays tomorrow evening, and Remus never got out of the hospital at least two or three days later. So he would probably stay there until he had to leave, especially since there wasn't the pressure of school word.

He slowly packed up his things, with each new one he picked up, it felt heavier and heavier until he could barely lift it. The last thing he put away was a picture of the four of them. All smiling and happy. He didn't deserve them. They didn't deserve to be around his secret darkness that made Sirius want to hurt those who hurt people he cared about just as badly as Walburga hurt him back home. Maybe, after sixteen years, the damage was irreversible. He truly was broken and unfixable. The Black insanity was genetic, and maybe this is where the thin wall that kept it out crumbled. With his throat burning, he slid it into the trunk and locked it shut. With a last glance around the room, he left. He wouldn't be coming back. The elves would retrieve it and load it onto the train for him. And Sirius had a sneaking suspicion that when he went home, he would never come back. The thought didn't fill him with fear, just the sense that it was what he deserved.

He just hoped he didn't run into Lily on the way out.

Luckily for him, he didn't. He slipped away, out of the castle, and walked all the way to Hogsmead, where he would stay until the train arrived.


	6. Chapter Six

**Six**

When he woke up in the shack and found that none of his friends were there, he realized that whatever Sirius did, it must have been bad. Even when Madam Pomfrey came to retrieve him, she mentioned not to take the news too hard. But exhaustion pulled at him and as soon as he hit the pillow in the hospital wing, he fell asleep. During brief moments of consciousness, he heard James and Peter talking to her. He heard Sirius's name a few times. And Snape. He also heard how he was alright, and that Sirius was a traitor. It was enough for him to figure out a little of what happened. When his mind was awake, all that would register was hurt and sadness and betrayal, and the sense that he deserved it. He honestly didn't understand why Sirius would ever do such a thing. Did he even have a reason? What was sadness turned to anger and hate. Surely Sirius knew what he was doing, exactly. And it was quite possibly unforgivable. He would have to wait and know the full story, but it was going to be hard to ever forgive him, let alone trust him.

When he finally decided to come around, it was near dark. The boys hadn't seen Sirius since that morning when he was on the couch. Remus couldn't open his eyes, the lids felt too heavy, but he heard James and Peter near him, consulting Madam Pomfrey. "Why isn't Mr. Black here by now?" She asked softly.

"Madam Pomfrey, I don't think that you will be seeing him for a while… if ever." James whispered.

"Because of the whole ordeal last night?" The two stayed silent, and even though Remus knew he would hate the response he was given, but waiting would only feed his nervousness and curiosity, and continue to leave him angry. Remus also knew that the longer he slept, the longer they would worry. He groaned and forced his eyes open, squinting at the brightness. Remus didn't try to move beyond that, having no idea on how bad his injuries were. "Mate! You're awake. How do you feel?" Peter squeaked.

"Like shit. As usual." He grumbled, looking at all of their faces.

"How long have you been listening…?" James asked hesitantly.

"What did he do?" he mumbled.

"I'll… just go." Madam Pomfrey said as she stepped out of their space and closed the curtain around them, isolating them from the rest of the hospital wing. Peter cast a quick silencing charm and looked at Remus nervously. "Last night after you left the table, Pad - Sirius - told us something. He made a mistake…" James started, realizing Peter wasn't going to be helpful.

"How severe…?"

"He told Snape how to get past the willow." Remus's breathing hitched and he stared at the two, unsure of what to do from there.

"Why?" He barely whispered.

"He told us that Snape knew about both you two and your condition. Said he didn't know how to stop him from telling anyone. He was threatening to tell his parents... Remus, I already yelled at him. I completely understand if you don't want to see him or talk to him or anything. Whatever you do I will back you up. He-"

"Is Snape okay?" Remus cut him off.

"Completely," Peter replied quickly.

"Did he- did he te- did he tell?" He sputtered.

"No. Dumbledore assured he would stop telling everyone about your condition and your relationship with Sirius."

"But Snape already told-" Peter started, before James cut him off.

"It doesn't matter."

"Who?" Remus asked skeptically.

"His parents." All the blood drained from Remus's face.

"Wait. Snape knew about us, and he told Sirius's parent's _first_?"

"Yeah," Peter confirmed.

"_When_. What happened? Before or after?" He asked, looking once more to James.

"Sirius told us. Pete and I went after Snape, well I did. Pete went and got ol' Dumbles. When he finally showed his slimy face I went and tried to stop him. He got as far as in the tunnel and saw your other form and you howelled, you were behind the sealing charm, so you weren't going to do anything, but he ran out and into the castle, ignoring Dumbledore, then to his dorms. I caught the professor up, we went after Snape and got him to stay silent, but after Dumbledore left, Snape said 'tell Sirius the deal is off. I've just sent a letter to his parents about you two.' We went up to our dorms. Yelled at him, and he was on the couch this morning, just staring at the fire. I don't even think he realized Lily was trying to talk to him. He was completely unresponsive... Please don't tell me you are thinking that you deserve all this." The two watched Remus, unsure of how he was going to react. The truth was, Remus _was_ thinking to himself that he deserved it all. He was a werewolf who came to school and decided to make friends. It was on _him_. And more so with a person with such a dark family. He did deserve it. But a strong, persistant voice in his head told him to not think like that. That not everything that happened that was bad was what he deserved. Remus couldn't tell, but it sounded like both James and Sirius. And he believed them. "He betrayed our- _your_ trust."

"Yeah."

"Aren't you angry?" Peter asked.

"Yes. I am. I have been. And that's a thing we are going to have to deal with. But I think we should talk to him first. I had my time to think of hating him, I knew as soon as I first heard you – to you I was asleep – that it going to be hard to ever forgive him. His reasoning is probably fear. If he was scared enough to do that, then he would have gone back to the whole 'I'm alone and I'm going to die' mindset that was installed in him since the age of _two_. While all of this is unacceptable, we have to forgive him. You probably have no idea how much he is killing himself, and he will physically be doing that when he goes home tomorrow evening. Sirius even had a fucking panic attack, which has only happened one other time and in the same circumstances. He thought he messed up, he didn't though, and he thought he was going to be alone and it triggered the 'I'm alone' instinct. He's thinking he deserves it. Who knows how many more attacks he will have."

"Doesn't he though? James, you told him yourself, he's just like his parents. He just tried to kill someone! Or worse make the-" Peter didn't get to finish though, James had stabbed him in the ribs with his elbow.

"If he goes, home, we won't see him again. You must realize that. I might be angry, hell, I'm furious, but I still love him and am going to forgive him eventually."

"We should go find him then," Peter whispered.

"Yeah."

"Wait he's gone?"

"We came back and he packed up his stuff, he wasn't at breakfast. He's just gone. I'm guessing that he's hiding until the train comes - what are you doing?" James asked as Remus began to sit up with some trouble.

"Getting up so we can go and look for him."

"No. You are staying. You are barely sitting up without help." Remus swung his legs around over the side and slowly stood up, grabbing the pants that rest on the side table and shoving them on.

"No. Look." He took off his hospital gown and threw on his shirt. They had already all seen his scars, so it was easier for Remus. He didn't have to be cautious anymore. However, that didn't mean that he wasn't insecure about it still.

"Let's at least find him on the map first, mate," Peter suggested, trying to force Remus to sit back down.

"I'm not that hurt, just tired. I'm fine."

"No seriously. He could have gone anywhere. Here." James shuffled around his robes before pulling out blank pages of parchment, which he tapped his wand to and whispered: "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Remus was secretly glad for the persistence. He was feeling light-headed already, so he sat down and slunk against the headboard, using a pillow for support. James and Peter sat on either side of him and spread out the map completely on the bed. it was quite large. "I brought it with me because I was scared he might take it so we couldn't find him." After close to ten minutes of searching, they all started to worry. Even Peter wasn't thick enough to not understand why they were starting to panic. "What if..." James started.

"No. No, he wouldn't. Just keep looking."

"We have been Remus," Peter added.

"Wait, he could be at Hogsmead Station. He knows about the map, so he probably would try to get out of its range so we wouldn't know where he was. Also, if he's hiding, it would be easy to try and get on the train first. Cast a disillusionment charm. Change into a dog. Anything would really fool most people." Stated Remus.

"What if we ask Regulus?"

"No." James and Remus snapped at the same time. At Peter's confused face, James explained, "Look. He has certain friends. If we approach him than it would be bad. Not only would he get scared, but his friends would start to think he was a spy or something. _Especially_ after Sirius did. It's too risky. He needs his protection"

Peter's mouth formed a small circle of understanding.

"We should go to Hogsmead Station," Remus said, standing up again, but he did it too quickly. His head spun and he had to lean against the side table.

"We can't go while you are like this. You have to stay." James gently shoved Remus back onto the bed.

"You are not going to be able to find him." Remus conceded. "When he _wants_ to stay hidden, he does. We all know that."

"Then what do we do? We kind of have to find him."

"Our best bet, as much as I _hate_ it, might actually be to wait and search on the train. He wouldn't go home right now, and he most _likely_ wouldn't run away. And if we can't find him on the train, we will owl Regulus and ask if he came home. If he did, we will get him. If he didn't... then we'll put the word out, get the adults, and all start looking for him."

"There's nothing else we can do?" Peter whinned.

"I think he's right." James agreed. "On the train, he has no where to go. Out there... he can hide easily."

~

James and Peter spent the rest of the day in the hospital wing, with the exception of going to get lunch and dinner for the three of them, and going up to the dorms to pack up all of their stuff. They even did Remus's, since he was in no condition to climb up all the stairs and have to deal with.

Meanwhile, Sirius was trying to keep his panic from showing as he read the letter over and over in his mind he had just received from Walburga Black. It said few words, but he knew it was a death sentence. _When you return home, you will receive consequenses. _It had made all of the blood go from Sirius's body. But he knew if he didn't go home, it would be worse. And he had to help Regulus from being abused the same way. If he ran away, his mother would find him. She was inescapable, ever since the spell she put on him.

There was no escaping this.


	7. Chapter Seven

**_I swear I don't think Slytherins are evil or anything. Reg is just with a bad crowd._**

**Seven**

Lily, Remus, James, and Peter were the first from the school to get to the station. Remus was having a much easier time moving and walking around since he was healed up and rested, and he charmed his trunk to levitate a metre off the ground so he didn't have to pull it. "What the hell are we going to do? There's only four of us and there are seven train carts. He could go through any of them!" Peter whined as the four looked at the train in front of them. They would be letting people board in ten minutes time.

"Pete's right." Lily agreed. "We need a plan. We'll start at the first cart and work back, that way he can't slip past or anything. And Remus, do you remember that spell that lets you see thermal heat? I could use that, and with your heightened senses, we could be able to find him easier."

"Yeah, I-" Remus began, but he was cut off mid-sentence when he felt a weight shove his back roughly. They all looked at him concerned and were ready to help him steady himself, but he straightened out before they had the chance. Whatever did do that, definitely caught his attention. He also heard a quiet voice, that only he with his excellent hearing would hear, tell him to go out back behind the station. It smelled so strongly like Sirius that he didn't stop and question it. "I'll be right back. Got to, uh, use the toilets. Watch my trunk."

"Remus?" Lily and Peter called after him.

As soon as he went all the way around back and was completely out of sight and earshot from everyone, he called out Sirius's name. There was a mumble of someone saying "finiteincantatem" and the appearance of a boy, but it wasn't him. It was Regulus. How had he learned the disillusionment charm? "Lupin." He said, a little coldly.

"Black."

"Are you looking for my brother?"

"Not that it's your business, but yes, we are as a matter of fact. Why?"

"You're wasting your time, _mate_."

"Yes, yes I know. When he doesn't want to be found, he won't be." Remus snapped.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean he isn't here."

"_What_?"

"He isn't here."

"What do you mean he isn't here?"

"This is a place, that he is not currently present in," Regulus said plainly.

"You're a smartarse. Where is he, then?"

"Home. Well, back with our mother, home. Not the Potters."

"How?" Remus asked, looking over his shoulder at the end of the train that he just barely saw from behind the building. Regulus sighed exasperatedly.

"He owled me this morning. He said thatWalburga sent him a small letter, but later she sent another letter and said she was going to bring him home earlier since it was not a school day. That he didn't deserve to have his free time there or something. So he would already be home when I got back."

"And you are not just saying this because Sirius told you to tell us this? So we wouldn't look?"

"_No_! Why would I?" Regulus responded a little too quickly. Also, Remus could smell a small sense of panic in him. If it was absolutely anyone who had lesser senses than Remus, the whole Black family could get away with murder. Anyone with a dark family like that could. Children have to learn how to convincingly lie to avoid getting beaten.

"I don't know. Maybe he _asked? _That would be all it would take. Both of you do almost anything for each other. He would sell his soul for you. I'm sure you would do the same for him."

"Your one to talk," Regulus said analytically, scanning him from head to toe. Remus had forgotten that Regulus most likely knew about him and Sirius, since he was, after all, a part of his family. "Is he here? _Please_. We have to talk to him."

"No." He said, once again too quickly.

"If he _was_," Remus paused, he was standing downwind, and he couldn't hear or smell another body present. He cast a silent thermal charm on his left eye with his wand in his pocket and glanced around. He wasn't there. "If he was, you'd tell me right?" Regulus hesitated, before answering with a soft yes. He glanced around said goodbye, and put the charm back on him.

The four, despite Regulus's words, would still look for their friend the whole way back.

~

If he was being honest with himself, it was actually very easy to figure out a way to hide from the Mauraders and Lily. He had put a disillusionment charm on himself, written a letter to Reg to tell him the plan, and then stayed in dog form. When everyone came, he would meet up with Regulus behind one of the shops, of course in human form. He still can't have Regulus know that much. His brother would transfigure him into an owl and keep him that way until Kings Cross.

Changing people to an animal was far beyond something a fifth-year should know how to do. But, with their family history, it was something they learned during their second year. To Sirius's fortune, no one knew Regulus or Sirius could do human transfigurations. They had learned how to do them so easily when Walburga gave them a person to experiment on with that. If it was up to Sirius, he wouldn't have done anything to the poor man, but it wasn't. She always wanted them to get ahead in their magical abilities. He still scrubs his hands bloody in the sink under hot water when he remembers the things she has made them do. Even then, though, his hands remain unclean.

Regulus had planted the little doubt in Remus's head, that told him that Sirius would be indubitably in his room, or around it or somewhere. So that meant that they would be looking for him, still.

And they did. Sirius, as a bird, heard them search all through their car and looked in each room for him. Finally, they knocked on Regulus's room door. When he slid it open, Sirius saw Remus standing in the doorway scanning the room and Lily in front of him. "I'm worried he might be telling the truth." She mumbled, glancing at Remus and Regulus.

"What do you want? Filthy, mu - muggle-born." Regulus glared. He stopped having the will to say mudblood since he killed one. He probably should have, his three friends gave him a weird look. They were in his year, but they were very proud of their blood status. He knew for certain that one of them was an aspiring death eater.

"Nothing. Just looking for a friend. We'll be on our way." Remus said sadly, closing the door back. All four children were silent, three of them confused, one of them sad. "I think they forgave him. Just go back." Regulus whispered.

Sirius, as angry and sad as you can look as a bird, looked at him and hooted, then nipped at the finger stroking his feathered head.

He couldn't really communicate that, but he hoped his brother understood. He must've because he then muttered, "You don't have to punish yourself this way. You're a good... bird... you just... bit them too hard." Regulus was having a hard time coding his words, but it didn't seem to matter. The others weren't listening anyway.

~

When the train arrived at the station, the three made Lily go and stand outside and look to see if she could see Walburga and watch for Sirius. She spotted the woman immediately, but all she was doing was waiting impatiently. She looked very angry. It was nerve-wracking having to wait for the three to come out with her things. She was there, only one to protect her family. Of course, there were several other wizards and witches around to help, it just still felt like her responsibility to shield them of the evil in that world.

It was hard to not be excited to see her mother and father, but all of the hugs were getting in the way of her seeing Sirius. Eventually, she told them to wait for a few moments, because she had to do something important. A few moments passed before she saw Regulus step out of the train with his luggage and Sirius close behind with his. She darted through the crowd to him, who had his head down so he didn't see her coming.

She grabbed his arm and said his name, but when Sirius looked up, all that was there was panic. "What are you doing?" He hissed.

"Saving your life."

"No! I have to go. And you are muggle-born. She'll kill your family." Lily took her arm off him and glanced back towards her parents, who were now talking to James's. When she looked back, Sirius was already to his Mother. She was about to call his name again, but she grabbed her two sons by the arm and disapparated.

With a heavy heart, she returned to her friends. Tears in her eyes. James saw her immediately and knew. He wrapped her in an embrace and listened as she told them what happened. How it was now her fault he's gone with the horrible beast of a person. No one blamed her, but they were all silent.

"We have to get him back." Peter cried out.

"We can't," James said sadly.

Remus agreed. "Walburga Black can find and get anyone. And once she has someone, she doesn't let go. Regulus is the only one who can get him out now."

"But the Ministry-" Peter argued.

"Can't do anything. Voldemort's on the rise and they aren't going to go near The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black."


	8. Chapter Eight

**Eight**

Regulus near had a panic attack when he saw Lily Evans stop his older brother. There was no doubt in his mind that Walburga Black could see her blood status with one look. If he was _lucky_, though he never was, she might have passed the young woman off as a Weasly or Prewett. But of course, when he stood next to his mother, she looked down at him and snapped, "You better have had _no_ connection with that Mudblood or you will share a small portion of Sirius's punishment with him." Regulus's blood went ice cold. Well, as cold as it could get. It was often that was already. Sirius came up within moments after him. Walburga scowled and grabbed him by the neck, Regulus by the arm, roughly and disapparated.

Regulus didn't miss the look of terror and dread on Lily Evans face as they disapparated.

There was a twisting sensation and he could not breathe, a ringing in his ears, and he was back home. Inside Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He couldn't even take his first two steps before Walburga turned and slapped Sirius with the back of her hand, screaming at him. "How dare you tint your family name with your disgusting, unnatural, curious experiments? First you so much as dare talk back to me. Then you get sort yourself into Gryffindor! You associate with the Potters. Mudbloods. Then you go and do something like that?! You disgusting creature! You are no son of mine!" Sirius had an empty look in his eyes and a cut cheek. Walburga had been wearing her shard edged ring.

Regulus could not even look at his mother's eyes. They were so full of fury and hate and revulsion that his knees were shaking. "Mo-" Sirius started, but he couldn't continue, she screeched an unforgivable and he collapsed on the floor in agony. A tear fell down Regulus's cheek.

"Mother- mother stop. _Stop_! Please!" Regulus cried, grabbing her wand.

"Reg no," Sirius panted, looking up at him, but it was too late. She had grabbed his hair and twisted it in her fist. Regulus's face screwed up in pain at the nails scraping his head. Instantly, her wand dropped from his grip. She then dragged him up a flight of stairs and threw him in the room. Performing wandless magic to lock the door from the outside. He banged on the door from the inside. Even if she punished him later, he had to try. She was going to kill his older brother.

The only good news was, he wasn't going to be. He was now the heir.

It was silent downstairs, so Regulus stopped trying to break the door down and strained his ears to listen. All he heard, though, were mumbles from his two family members. But, what was unmistakable, were the words "because of you." from Sirius. Which meant he hadn't been lying before. Sirius knew this was it, so he knew that he had to do whatever to prevent Regulus from meeting any sort of fate similar. This was the part of him that was Gryffindor.

And he admired his brother for it.

But before he could get far with admiration, the screams continued. And so did the banging on the door.

It was about an hour before it stopped completely. There would be moment breaks where Regulus would panic at the silence, but it never lasted for more than five minutes. The grandfather clock in the corner told him that outside the sun was setting, which meant dinner. But he doubted he would have any sort of meal tonight.

Meals.

_Kreacher_! Of course!

"Kreacher?" Regulus called out, standing up. With a faint pop, the house-elf appeared next to him. The boy sighed in relief. "Is…"

"Master?"

"What happened downstairs? What orders have Walburga given?"

"No one is to go in the cellars or listen to Master Sirius." A weight lifted from his shoulders.

"Is he ok? How is he?" Kreacher looked at him with empty eyes. The elf and Sirius never did like each other.

"Kreacher does not know, Master Regulus. Kreacher has not seen Master Sirius. But Kreacher does know he moves little."

"What orders has she given about me."

"You are not to be told any of this. But Kreacher likes Master Regulus and -" before he could finish, the door started to open, and the house-elf disappeared. Orion stood in the doorway.

"Regulus."

"Father. What of Sirius? Where is he?"

"The blood-traitor is no longer a concern. He is dead. Now. Dinner is ready. Be down here in five minutes time so we may discuss what you will inherit as next in line." Regulus nodded numbly. Orion closed the door behind him and descended the stairs. "Kreacher?"

"He lies. Kreacher heard them say to tell you the boy is dead. He is in the cellar with silencing charms. They plan on dragging the punishment out until his body-"

"Enough. Thank you." A tear escaped down his face and he had to suppress the other million that threatened to fall. Slowly, he gathered himself and went downstairs for dinner.

A week had gone by and Regulus still had no chance of going to the cellar to check on his brother. His parents were breathing down his neck, and one of them always had their eye on him. They must have been worried he knew that Sirius wasn't dead. But Regulus acted the part of not knowing that fact very well. They must have believed he thought that his older brother was dead because one night they told him they were going out and out be back shortly.

This was his chance.

As soon as they left through the door, he bolted and wrote a message on a piece of parchment, sending it through fire to James Potter. He called Kreacher to his side and together they went to the cellar. "Which is he in?" He asked Kreacher.

"The back left, Kreacher suspects." Slowly he approached the door and felt magic on it. It had a simple locking spell on it and at least three of four silencing ones.

When he opened the door, it smelt awful. Like blood and waste and dirt. In the corner was a lump of a figure. It's chest rising slower than someone asleep. "Sirius." He whispered running over to him. "Sirius!" Very gently, Regulus turned his brother onto his back. There were cuts all over his body, which he could see through his red-stained and ripped clothes. He had a few bruisings. But his skin was the most noticeable. It was freezing cold. Almost as bad as the stone floor of the cellar. "Wake up."

"Master Sirius is unconscious."

"Yes. Yes, I see that. Is there anything you can do? Make him conscious?'

"I healing magic is limited without potions. Maybe…"He snapped experimentally. It took a few moments, but Sirius's eyes fluttered open a little, and he groaned.

"Sirius! Thank Salazar. Look it will only last a few moments. Tell me the Potter's flew password." he shook his head.

" 'Serve it."

"Tell me now. Or I will tell our parents I was down here."

"R-r-r-eg - i." His eyes began to close again.

"Tell me! Or do you want this for another month?"

"Silver laced fwooper eggshells," he said as his eyes closed again. He became still and his breathing slowed even more.

"No. Damn it. Kreacher. Get us floo powder and to the fireplace." Within moments, they appeared there. "I hope nothing's broken," Regulus mumbled as he lifted his unconscious brother and held him bridal style. Even though Sirius was a foot taller, it was easy carrying him. He lost so much weight, he could feel almost every bone. "As soon as I get back, alter my memory. Make me know he was alive because I saw him escape, but make me think that I thought he was dead and everything. Okay? Understand?"

"Yes, Master Regulus."

"Do not ever speak of this either."

"Yes." And with that, he took a handful of flew powder and threw it on the floor. Saying his destination and password.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Nine**

"Dad! _Dad_! _Mom_! Get up! I need help!" James shouted, running down the hallway and rapping on their door. He had just received a piece of parchment that arrived through fire that read:

_Potter_,

_I'm dropping off Sirius._

_Help him immediately._

_Be there very soon._

_RAB. _

Not only did the message terrify him, but the fire almost set his bedspread on fire. He instantly grabbed his owl and sent a letter to Peter, Remus, and Lily.

A sleepy Fleamont opened the door. "Son?" he yawned. "What's wrong?"

"Regulus just sent me a message. It's Sirius. He's coming. _Now_." This got his attention. The sleep that hung in his eyes vanished and Euphemina came to the door as well, overhearing this. She threw on a robe and followed them downstairs. The Potter's lived in a relatively big house, smaller than The Most Ancient Noble House of Black of course, but larger than two levels. As they got closer, they heard the flames of the fire roar.

James, being impatient, clutched onto the side of the railing and threw himself over it, landing on the couch in the living room. His mother scolded him for it but now was not the time. In hindsight, it wasn't the best plan. He could have landed on Sirius. Luckily, he didn't. Sirius was on the couch nearest the fire.

Well, he was supposed to be. The boy on the couch was bone skinny, bruised, cut up, and unconscious. The only clue as to it being the same person was the long brown hair and the same clothes he was wearing on the platform a week ago. He heard two gasps from behind him as his two parents entered the room. "How…?" Euphemina whispered in horror.

"Go get your potions. I'll do what I can. James-"

"Do _NOT_ tell me to _LEAVE_!" The boy shouted as he ran over to Sirius, checking for a heartbeat. The last green flame dispursed right as he looked at the fireplace. Sirius must have been conscious recently because he was the only one who knew the password to the Potter's floo network. "Isn't there something that can bring him to consciousness?"

"That would be really risky. And we have no idea why he's unconscious. It could be brain damage, blacked out from p-... blacked out, dehydration." Fleamont muttered, brushing hair out of Sirius's face. He took out his wand and ran a diagnostics spell on the boy. When Euphemina came back in with several different vials, he reported his findings. "Dehydration, bruising… everywhere, he has two cracked ribs, three broken, sprained arm, and the worst cut is on his lower side." She nodded and immediately began using her want and chanting "Vulnera Sanenturn" under her breath.

With that, all of the boy's cuts and gashes had disappeared. She took a few vials in hand and began to mix them, glancing every few moments at the actual labels. Within a few moments, she poured it down his throat and muttered more spells, that apparently acted alongside the potion. She gave him a few different ones as well, one of them, James observed, was a dreamless sleep potion. The deep black and purple bruises began to fade. He also only just noticed the boys rib cage fill out and look more normal. "James, go and gather a pair of pajamas for him," Fleamont asked softly. There was sadness and anger in his tone.

The boy raced up the stairs and gathered a pair of clothes for Sirius, but he stopped by the window when he saw two owls. One of them was Lily's and the other was Peter's. Remus's must not be here yet.

_James, _Lily wrote.

_Is he okay? What happened? How is he?_

_I can not convince my parent's to let me come back right now, seeing as how I did just spent the week at your place. They told me that if Sirius was that bad he would go to a hospital. I can't get them to understand that he couldn't go, since he's a Black… Tell Sirius it'll be okay and everything._

_Love you, Lily._

_P.S. Do not dare blame yourself. It is not your fault and you know it._

James sighed and moved to Peter's letter. It was a lot shorter. He asked if Sirius was okay and that he would be there in the morning.

He set the pair of clothes down and grabbed a quill and parchment.

_He is currently unconscious, but my mother is tending to him and he's better. He'll be asleep for a while_. The boy wrote on both. He gave Peter's owl a scratch behind the ear and a small treat, attaching the note to his foot and sending him off. To Lily's letter, he continued to write.

_How is it not my fault? I should not have said what I did and we should have looked longer. I should have gone outside and waited near Walburga. Or gotten my parents too._

_Love you as well, James._

Then the boy sent the letter and dashed downstairs, yet again throwing himself over the ledge and landing on the couch, quite near his father if he may say so. "James! Don't do that you could have hurt me or yourself!" He snapped half-heartedly.

"Pete's coming tomorrow. Lily the day after the next. Remus hasn't responded."

"That was quick. Did you bring the change of clothes dear?" His mother asked, not looking up. Sirius's clothes looked cleaner and less stained, but no amount of scorgio could have made them like they were on the platform.

"Yes, ma'am." He sat them down next to her and she used a non-verbal spell to change them out. Even with everything going on, she didn't want James learning that spell, though he was smart. If he wanted to know it he would. And every Slytherin would be wearing neon pink.

"Do you want to write Regulus and make sure he is okay? Or thank him for us?" His father asked. It was silent for a few moments and they all watched the unconscious boy's steady breathing, like they were all scared it would suddenly just stop.

"No. He risked enough. I can't have Walburga or Orion seeing it. Regulus knows I'm grateful. How long before you wager he wakes up?"

"I don't know," Euphemina admitted. "I gave him dreamless sleep potion, but only a little. And with his condition, there's no saying. It could be five minute or a week. Either way, he needs rest. James how about you go to sleep, and if needed you can sleep on the couch. Fleamont you too. You had a very long day. I'll stay up with Sirius." She stood up and held the boy's head off of the pillow it was resting on, sitting down in its place and laying Sirius's head in her lap, stroking his hair. Without another word, James got situated on the couch and Fleamont went to the guest bedroom, leaving the door open. It took a while before James let himself begin to fall victim to sleep. Before his eyes closed, he mumbled: "Mum, is he going to be okay?" There was either no response or one that he didn't hear. His eyes closed and the world swirled to darkness.


	10. Chapter Ten

**_The bold and slanted is a quote from The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Ann Kidd_**

**_The next one is a poem, I forgot the title and couldn't find the poem but I remember that it was posted anonymously._**

**~**

**Ten**

Sirius was in an in-between state. He was dreaming, but he was also aware of the warmth he felt. The new smells and the weird after taste in his mouth. He remembered seeing Regulus's face, then nothing. At least his brother knew he wasn't dead.

There would be times where he came closer to consciousness because he would be in pain. He would feel like someone was trying to pull his sore bones away from his bruised muscles. After a few times of that, it seemed to stop.

Because he was in this in-between state of dreaming and consciousness, he couldn't have full thoughts, more like impressions of the thoughts he wanted to think. He wanted to worry about what would happen to Regulus. He wanted to think about the three marauders and his guilt. But all he could do was feel. He was sad and embarrassed. Angry. He felt simple emotions without thought. He was also confused. It smelled nicer here. He felt someone close. Maybe this was the afterlife. A part of him hoped it was. He was ready to be done. He wanted to be done.

When he was a little closer to conciousness he could think and register more plain thoughts. All of them seemed to revolve around one thing.

Sirius had a choice, And he knew it. There was no way he was in a hospital, so it would be so easy to let go. His breathing was slow enough. Heart rate weak enough. He could barely move as it was. His mind screamed when he shifted in his sleep.

He could let go.

And he wasn't afraid. **_People who think dying is the worst thing don't know a thing about life_**. And it was true.

It would be so easy to just let go.

But what was that warmth? He recognized it. And where _was_ he?

Somehow, he knew this warmth. And he knew that the warmth would never be ok if he let go.

Sirius didn't want to be here for himself, but he needed to be there for the cause of warmth. And Regulus.

Especially Regulus.

He was sure his brother risked everything to get him here. He could be hurting right now, though Sirius doubted it. He made sure to _stress_ just how much all the pain they caused him was what made him turn this way, and the fear in her eyes as she glanced upstairs was unmistakable. Regulus would be relatively safe from now on. No morecruciatis, that was for sure.

A part of him didn't want to wake up. That part wanted to continue to drift in the peaceful emptiness.

The other part told him he'd been in it for long enough. The faint memory of Regulus seemed like decades ago.

So, slowly, he opened his eyes to find a dimly lit room. The fireplace was the only source of light. He was at the Potters. James was asleep on the couch opposite along with Peter.

And Remus.

Remus was asleep on the floor, wrapped up in a bunch of blankets on a mattress, curled into his pillow. His breathing was soft and even, a queue that he was actually asleep. Lily was there too. She was at the other end of the mattress. That left one other person and the reason why Lily wasn't asleep with James. He was resting onEuphemina'sleg and she was stroking his hair. He wanted to roll over and curl into the couch, away from the marauders, but just as he began to move a groan slipped from his mouth and he went still, biting histongueand glancing at the four across from him. They didn't stir, butEupheminalooked down at him. "Sirius, baby, you're awake."She whispered, her voice full of relief.

"Mmm."

"How are you feeling?"

"Great." His voice was hoarse, making his words near incomprehensible. She gave him a look full of pity. He hated that look. "Sorry."

"Why are you sorry, dear?"

"I just came here, half dead and bleeding. Wasn't invited. They hate me... " His voice trailed off and he stared at all of them.

"If they hated you would they be here?"

"They would just feel guilty if I died. But '**_lone wolf I die, and no one will cry_**. '"

"What?" She asked incredulously, staring down at him.

"It's a muggle poem."It was silent for several moments, Sirius's mind beginning to grow tired.

"They told me what happened." Sirius went still. "They told me though their angry, they forgive you. You have tortured yourself enough. "

"No." He croaked.

"What do you mean?"

"I deserved this. I deserved to die. I still do." A tear left Sirius's eye. "Mary knows this is what could have happened to Snape. To Remus if the Ministry took him. I don't deserve them. My darkness is an infection I have not escaped, and I have inflicted it upon those around me. The time was overdue for me to show my symptoms and affect others."

"You are not a darkness. Or a burden. You made a mistake, and you realize that. You are sorry beyond imagination. The fact that you realize what you've done and feel remorse and regret and guilt mean you are not your family. You don't deserve to be tortured, or killed. You are a child, and when children get scared they act irrationally. I promise it will be okay. I am here and I won't leave." BothEupheminaand Sirius we're crying now. "It'll be alright, love." Sirius looked over at the sandy-haired boy, who wrapped himself in a cocoon of blankets. His breathing was quick though. He watched the boy for a while before Remus started to move and mumble, knitting his eyebrows together. "I want to..." Sirius started, but his throat was hurting so much that he stopped.

"What, dear?"

"Help him." He forced words out. His eyes became heavy and threatened to droop closed. "Don't want to go to sleep again." It was true. He didn't want to go to sleep again. He wanted to stay awake, even if it was hell to move. But what if he was no longer the person who could calm him? What if with his energy giving up again, Remus wakes and tries to say something Sirius doesn't want to hear? If he fell asleep after that, he would drift off and not come back and he was sure.

"It's ok, sleep. I will help, and have helped with the few he's had. For as long as you need to get better. "

"No." Sirius mumbled.

"I promise I'll be here. It's time you let others take care of you so you can let yourself heal." His eyes began to closed, and through all efforts, they did and his mind drifted back into sleep, the last sound he heard was Remus yelping.

~

**_okay so how into this are you guys? I have a longer path I could take or i could wrap it up in the next two chapters._**

**_Im cool either way, I love writing, just dont wanna be drawling on when you just want the end..._**

**_thanks_**


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Eleven**

Remus bolted up in bed, the ends of his nightmare slipping away as he entered the waking world. The blankets that enwrapped him felt like a firey prison, so he scrambled out of them and fell off the mattress. Across him Lily shifted, curling into herself more and taking a deep breath in. She was still asleep though. He glanced at Euphemina, who was awake and watching him with sad eyes, still stroking Sirius's hair, though her eyes were glossy and red. She must have just been crying, she smelled like the ocean. Wordlessly, he shifted his attention to the fire. It was quite hot in the room, but that could also just have to do with his cocoon of blankets only minutes ago. "Come here." She said softly. Remus crawled across the floor and sat down at the base of the couch, leaning against her leg and watching Sirius's breathing. It seemed heavier for some reason. She began to massage his neck silently, and they sat that way for a while. "What was it this time?"

"He came back because I wouldn't go to the other side. So he did my dad in and then all of them." He whispered, looking at his friends around him. "Sorry."

"That's what he had said."

"What?" Remus glanced up at her, confused. There was no one at she was talking about Greyback...Right?

"Sirius." Remus changed his attention to the boy, studying him. "He woke up for a minute, then went back out." It was quiet once more, both of them studying the boy.

"I'm scared for him. He's so, so sad."

"I know." She said, barely audiable.

"Did he say anything else? Or just sorry."

"He didn't want to fall back asleep. He knew you were waking up. But I got the feeling he was scared to stay up and couldn't help going back out anyway." Sirius shifted a little, giving Remus hope that he might wake back up. Maybe Remus could help. Could make him better.

"What else?"

"Nothing."

"Your lying." Remus stated, looking up at her. "Hiding something. What is it?"

"It's nothing you probably already have not worked out." She said sadly, not looking away. They two often stayed up later than the rest, her mother instincts affecting her want to sleep with Remus's bad dreams and insomnia and Sirius's current condition.

"Was I right...?" He asked, scared of his answer, even though he already knew it. Slowly, she nodded, never pulling her attention from Sirius.

They had a theory. It was a good one, but a sad one. Sirius should be getting better by now. All the potions had done their job. Everything had worked. His bones had healed. The bruises and cuts had all gone away with the twice-a-day potions. Yet, he still hurt. He still was passed out on the couch, a week and a half away from when he arrived. He should be getting better. He should already be better. The only reason why he would still be this rough was if his whole body didn't work with anything to make it better. Which meant that it had given up. And the only reason it would have given up was because Sirius had given up.

Another thing they had worked out, was his body was near shutting down anyway. His skin ice cold, unable to be warmed. Deep cuts all over him that made him loose so much blood it caused friction in his muscles. So when you put both of those together, it meant that the only thing keeping him alive was the life support Euphemina provided with her potions. But she was running out. Soon she would have to brew or buy more, and these heavy healing potions you cannot get in a shop.

Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore even came around in the morning. Euphemina, also being a Nurse, and Madam Pomfrey did all they could and some. Dumbledore talked to the boys about if we knew the extent of what went on at home. They stayed silent at first, until it was Remus who spoke up. Them about the curse. His family. The stories Sirius told them about what happenes over there. How it wasnt really like this was the first time, but definitely the most severe. Dumbledore nodded along and gazed out the window, lost in a sad dream. _I only wish we could do something. No one will win in a trial against Walburga. _James had said.

_You are, Mr. Potter, by giving him a home here. _And then the professor left along with Madam Pomfrey, who figured he was in good enough hands."Mrs. Potter, why don't you go and sleep in the guest room with your husband. You haven't slept much."

"I am fine, dear, but thank -"

"No, really. You deserve a break. Don't hold all of this on yourself. I won't be going back to sleep soon anyway, why don't you let me take over?"

She was very hesitant, but she agreed to it. Slowly, she shifted the boy off of her lap and sat him up a little, holding him while Remus sat down and got conftorable. Once Sirius was set back down, his eyebrows knit together and he made a small noise of pain, then tensed and shifted towards the couch cushion, which was pretty unconvenient for Remus since he moved his whole body inward and Sirius's head was resting on his upper thigh already. He grew a deep shade of red, which not only was covered by his sandy-brown hair, but was also covered by the orange light of the fire and the darkness in the room. Euphemina chuckled though, like she was aware of his embarrassment. "Well. Do you need anything before I go?' Remus cleared his throat.

"Can you get my... uhh.. Book. Yeah, it's A Wind in the Door. Under my pillow." She had to shuffle through a mound of blankets for a few moments before she found the book. Euphemina had never heard of the book before, but it looked distinctly muggle, and Remus was reading it so it must be somewhat good. Euphemina made a mental note to look into some muggle classics. Maybe Lily would recommend some as well.

She stood in the doorway and watched the children for a few minutes, making sure they were all alright before she got her long deserved rest. Fleamont deserved rest as well, but he never did for long. They seemed to make sure at least one of them was awake and home - or someone was - ever since Sirius arrived. The Potter's were clearly worried about security, especially having a Black that Walburga Black wanted dead. And unless someone was here to get in her way, she could easily achieve this goal while her son was a vegetable. "You sure you are going to be fine?"

"Yes. I am positive. Go and rest, Mrs. Potter." She glanced at the front door with apprehension.

"Walburga Black can do many things, storming into the Potter residence at night is not one of them."

"I know. But it wouldn't be surprising if she got someone to do her dirty work... Regulus-"

"Would never do something like this only to throw it all away, plus he is a good guy and wouldn't hurt his brother like that. You have nothing to fear. If he wakes for more than a few moments, I will come and get you." Euphemina studied him before nodding. "One last thing though. Does Sirius think of himself as a darkness?" So that was what he had said more or less. The marauders knew so much about each other, especially when the others were suffering. All three boys knew that Sirius thought he was a burden, and that he was so scared of becoming his parents. The fear was so extensive he had a phobia of messing up in any way that might anger the others.

"Yes. It's not a new thing." He whispered, looking down at the boy and brushing hair out of his eyes. Euphemina looked greatly sad, but she left the room without another word. Cracking the door into the guest bedroom behind her. That was where Mr. and Mrs. Potter slept for now.

~

It was around thee in the morning before Remus felt tired of looking at the words in his book. For the past two hours, he tried to focus on reading, but he couldn't get into it with an unconscious Sirius on him. It was where his thoughts pulled back to every time he finished a sentence, so he abandoned it altogether and just sat there, feeling the boys breathing going in and out steadily. Something else caught his attention as well, though. "James, I know you're awake."

"Well shit, of course, you do." He asked, turning around and sitting up, rubbing his eyes a little. "Mom?"

"Went to bed," Remus answered, nodding his head in the direction of the guest bedroom.

"This is my fault."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is. I mean of course it's Sirius's but it's also mine. I should have not only waited outside the train station instead of Lily, but I should have reacted differently."

"Okay. Tell me, right now, with the news you had just heard, and with what you had to go and prevent, how should you have reacted?"

"Better." James snapped at himself.

"What does better look like?" James stayed silent. "In that situation, what the right and wrong way to react becomes very gray. There are so many ways the whole night could have gone. The best we can do at this point is to continue and fix everything that is broken as much as we can. " James just watched the two on the couch. Remus was the wisest of the group, and he was lucky to be able to be comforted by him.

"I shouldn't have said he was his parents. That's why he's this way. He wants to die. We all know it, we have just tip-toed around it. He doesn't want to be his parents. How are we going to fix all that?"

"I don't know. We just have to wait for him to wake up for good next time." Remus absently stroked Sirius's hair.

"Next time? Did he wake up?"

"Just before I did. He went back out before I got a chance. Your mom talked to him though."

"Say anything?"

"One thing. We were right. He does just want to give up. He's living in his own dream world. The only problem is he is going to have to wake up." James nodded, staring into the fire. Neither boy talked for several minutes.

At the corner of his hearing, he heard the front gate creak open and a rustle of movement as boots hit the hard concrete of the pavement to the front door. He heard the figure approaching nearer, and he felt Sirius's heart rate quicken, his brows knitting together as he began to shift. "James. Go wake your parents up right now. _Now_." He snapped, carefully jumping up off of the couch. "Get your wand. _Now_, _James_!"

James bolted up and snatched his wand, running into the guest bedroom. At least she got some sleep, even if it was only about five hours.

"Peter! _Lily_!" Remus shouted, gently sliding his arms under Sirius, trying to position himself to where he wouldn't hurt the boy. "Lily!! Peter!! Wake _up_!!" A firey red mess of hair appeared from under the covers, and the face under it groaned. Looking around, trying to find the source of yelling. "Remus wha-" but she was cut off when she saw her friend picking up Sirius, who was unconscious, besides making a face that looked like he was trying to show pain through sleep. "Wake Peter." Was all he said before he rushed upstairs with the boy, his long, wavy black hair bouncing back and forth with each step they climbed. "Stay asleep, stay _asleep_." Remus murmured, stoping at the first bedroom and setting him down. He hated to move him. The past few times they tried, even with a spell, he had screwed up his face in pain and let out a long groan, trying to roll back and continue to be unmoving. So they left him on the couch. But now he had to.

Sirius needed to stay asleep for now. They couldn't be with him when he woke up, and that was a problem. He would probably wake to a nightmare and have more injuries that would need to be attended too. He couldn't deal with that right now, not when Walburga Black was knocking on the front door.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Twelve**

Euphemina woke with a start, a hand shaking her arm and telling her to wake up. It was her son. She reached for her wand and cast Lumos, lighting up half of James's face, leaving the other half-hidden in the shadows. She gave him a quizzical look, but he had already moved on and started shaking his father. "Dad! _Dad_! Wake _up_, _now_!" Fleamont woke up immediately, grabbing James's arms and staring down at him, his wand somehow in his hand. Being an Auror during times like these had that effect. "Come _on_!" He said, running out of the room to find Lily and Peter already up, standing there nervously. Both of them held their wands. "What's happening?" Lily asked, looking at her boyfriend and his parents.

"I don't know Re-" but before he could finish, there was a loud, heavy knock on the front door.Fleamont slowly approached the door, not wanting to open it. No one should be able to do this, they had protection around the house that couldn't be broken unless one of the Potters let them inside the area. Like an invisible force field. Everyone stared at the door, for a few moments. Just as the second round of knocking came, Remus was back downstairs. He glared at the door, then waved for everyone's attention, silently pointing to the couch then upstairs. Who knew if Walburga Black could hear them. "Everyone behind me, you too James," Fleamont said sternly, going to the door. Euphemina stood behind her husband, and Remus stood behind, or more beside her. Then James and Peter, who stood halfway in front of Lily. Everyone had their wand drawn. When he opened the door, a tall, lean woman in dark green and black robes stood there, with an even taller man who had square shoulders and an angry scowl on his face. It was Orion and Walburga Black. "Mr. Black, Mrs. Black. What are you doing here?" He said with a tone of aristocracy. The woman's eyes look over everyone on the doorway, stopping at Lily's for a moment before landing on Remus's. "I am here to remove my son from this house full of Mudbloods and disgraces. I am certain he is here, seeing as how these… people… are here." Finally, she stopped glaring at Remus and moved her gaze to Fleamont. They stared at each other, no one moving a muscle. "We would like our son _back _now." Orion snapped.

"You're not getting him," Euphemina replied, just as rude.

"Yes. We are. Either you hand my son over, or we get the Minister, the child department, and the Auror department right now."

"I would like to see you try. Wait until I tell them that he came _here_, basically _dead_, and is _still_ unconscious mind you, _bleeding_ and _bruised_ and _shaking_ and _pale_. With all of the Potter fortune, with Peter's pureblood fortune, you will _not_ get him back. And there are witnesses. Your house-elves are witnesses themselves."

"You are not a match for the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. You will not win."

"You are _not_ getting my son back in that house, ever again. You will never, I mean _never_, lay another finger or spell on him ag-_ain_." Remus shoved his way up to the front.

"And, now that he is ours, tell me how to get it off of him." It was a funny sight. Seeing a boy ordering the most influential person in all of the United Kingdom, who was half her size and not even a pureblood. "I have no idea what you are talking about, you _filthy_ child." James practically made everyone in the doorway fall to the ground with how quickly he got to the front. "Do _not_ stand here, on _my_ porch, and talk to _my_ family that way. You have _no rig__ht _to be here. Sirius is _NOT_ yours! So tell us and _LEAVE_!" If Walburga could show emotion, someone would say she almost looked surprised.

"You can not. It is irreversible. Now return my child, this _instant_ and there will be no repercussions for this."

"Never." Everyone said, keeping their wand very visibly threatening.

"The only reason you want him back is to _kill_ him." Spat Lily.

"And _torcher_ him," Peter added.

"So you can most successfully give _Regulus_ the inheritance." Remus helped.

"So, leave our home, and never come back. Or," Fleamont leaned in close, whispering now, "Shall I get the media involved in everything you have done and all of the other quite illegal transactions you made _last Wednesday_." Orion paled.

"Come Walburga. We will disinherit him, that revolting disgrace of a creature is not worth this." Walburga looked furious. So much so that all of the kids took a step back out of fear. Sirius had to look at that every day and night. He lived with that and felt what that anger could do. Everyone waited in anticipation, not knowing what she was going to do next.

Then she did the most surprising thing.

"Tell him, 'you are exactly that.' " She said, glancing at the stairs, her face hardened. "You are _exactly_ that, and there is no redemption from it, no matter how well you convince yourself it's hidden." Then, she disapparated.

Everyone let out a sigh of release, coming all the way inside and closing the door. It was Remus who noticed that Sirius was standing on the fourth step from the top. A single tear went down his cheek as went back up and closed the door to the bedroom behind him. "How much do you think he heard?" Peter asked.

"Enough," Lily responded.

"Who do you think should go up there…?" Everyone just stared at him, he was sometimes thicker than James himself.

"Gee, I don't know. Peter, would _you_ like to?" James asked dryly. Remus, however, was not going to stay around for this part. He was already climbing the stairs, tugging at the ends of his shirt sleeves, a clear sign he was nervous. "Accio healing salve." He mumbled. It zoomed from the stand next to the couch and he caught it without looking, pocketing it.

"Did he have another nightmare?"

"Why else would he wake up at a time like this. He was completely out of it, Peter." James sighed, frustrated.

"James, be kind," Euphemina said, pulling him into her side and trying to tame his messy black hair that grew everywhere.

Fleamont was extremely quiet. He was sitting at the table and twirling a quill between his fingers. His face was devoid of emotion. It was almost like he had a silent fascination with the quill in his hand, but I was clear that whatever he was thinking had taken him over.

~

Remus walked up each step slowly. To him, time slowed down like Kronos was standing next to him. He was probably walking completely normal, it just felt like forever until he arrived at the door, knocking softly. "Sirius…?" He turned the doorknob hesitantly and slipped inside, closing it behind him immediately. "Sirius?" He asked again. He was sitting on the bed, his back to the door, leaning against the headboard to the bed. His long, black, wavy hair was tangled and messy and probably needed a trim. The bed was in the middle of the room, with a couch facing Sirius and a piano behind him. There were so many things that Remus wanted to say and wanted to ask. So many things he wanted to do.

He could have gone with something intelligent, or angry, or sad, or comforting. But instead, he blurted out, "How are you?" There was no response. "Feeling much better? You're sitting up and walking now, which is more than you could do five hours ago."

"Mhm." Was all he replied with. The truth was, Sirius didn't want to tell him that something had changed. There was a consistent warmness that held him. A motherly one. It had helped Sirius so much, but that could only go halfway. He got one thing he was missing, but there was still the other part that needed Remus. When Remus became that warmness, something clicked in him. Like his spirit didn't want to give up. It gave him the extra push to let his body heal fully. His mind wanted so badly to get up and let the warmness enwrap him. So the other half of him finally let the potions do their work.

Sadly, there was no potion for emotions. There was no potion to take away all your pain and mistakes and guilt. "What did she mean. When she said what she did?"

"Telling me I was right," Sirius mumbled. Remus decided to walk around and sit on the couch in front of him. Sirius's hair hid most of his face. The part that wasn't hidden showed a bright purple bruise on his cheek and a handprint on his neck. Both of them were ignoring this fact.

"About what?" Nothing. "Sirius, please."

"Why am I still here?"

"What?"

"Why? Why didn't you take me to the hospital, or somewhere else? Why did you defend me?" It was hard to hear the boy, he was talking under his breath like each one cost him greatly.

"You are our family." Sirius scoffed. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I'm me."

"Not good enough."

"Because I'm dark. I'm exactly like my family. When Snape said he knew and said he was going to tell, I got scared and my first instinct was to hurt him. Years of trying to get rid of it…" He laughed a broken laugh.

"We forgive you though."

"You shouldn't."

"I forgive you."

"You shouldn't."

"Family is those who accept you and who you choose. You are our family, Sirius. Family will always be there. They will always help clean up mistakes and take care of you. We love you, and all of us forgive you."

"Nice speech. I don't deserve it. Haven't you got that yet?" He didn't say it rudely, or raise his voice. He said it in that same, broken, soft, and self-hatred tone.

"Why not? Sirius," Remus stood up and sat down next to him. Not only did Sirius flinch, but he shrunk back even more into the headboard. "Look at me." When he didn't, Remus gently reached out and moved his chin towards himself. Forcing they're eyes together. Now that he was getting a proper look, he could see just how sunken his eyes were. How their usual mischief and joy was absent from them. The bruise that was on his cheek was dark, and there was a new scar on his head that wasn't there before. "You are not a darkness. Our fear does not define us. I tried to hate you, but I couldn't. Because I understand. We all have good and bad in us. They are equal. Sometimes one side comes more to light, but that doesn't affect you unless you choose it."

"Everyone here has more good than bad. I'm the only one that doesn't."

"I'm a werewolf that has no mind once a month and isolated himself. James can be arrogant and sometimes cold. Peter is more of a coward than brave.Fleamontblackmails people when he gets scared. Everyone does things. 'Only pick the flowers who have survived the same storm. They will not judge your broken thorns.' Erin Van Vuren." Sirius nodded. Remus was very suddenly aware that he was still holding his chin, and he dropped his hand quickly, resting it on the other boy's knee. He didn't move it or shift, just stared at it vacantly.

The young boy heard his breathing spike. He heard the heavy yet shallow breaths, like there was no air. He noticed Sirius's eyes become farther and farther away until water became to drizzle from them. "You deserve someone better. I ruined everything between you and me." Sirius was struggling to keep an oncoming attack from occurring. He probably didn't have the energy to do so, and was going to fail.

Without thinking about it, Remus slid his hand through Sirius's hair, pressing hard against the back of his head and pushing the boy gently towards himself. He didn't stop to hesitate, because if he did than Sirius would read it wrong and think that his statement was accurate. So, he crashed his lips against his, holding it for a few seconds, waiting for the other boy to continue it. Luckily, Sirius didn't pull away. It was then he realized he wouldn't, but he also was not going to advance it. There was nothing that he would start without Remus doing it first. As if it was his first time, he experimentally opened his mouth, moving Sirius's along with him. Both boys knew that Sirius was not putting much effort into it. It was extremely timid and full of unsaid apologies. Remus pulled away and looking into Sirius's eyes, not removing his hand from the boy's hair but picking up one of his free hands with his other. "I still love you. You are going to have to learn to forgive yourself." Sirius nodded. His eyes were glossy but there were no more tears. "Oh and here." Remus slipped the healing slave out of his pocket and held it in his palm towards Sirius. The only part of them touching now were their knees. Sirius shook his head, staring at the object as if it were foreign.

"I'm fine."

"It's going to look like I got angry and hit you."

"In a way, you did." He was attempting at making a joke, but it didn't have the usual playful tone. It was a start though.

"With my hand, moron." Remus unscrewed the top and gathered some in his hand. As soon as his hand touched Sirius's neck, he flinched, mumbling sorry a couple of times. "Did I hurt you?" He asked, nervous.

"No." He tried again, slowly and making sure his upper arm was visible to Sirius, he started to work at the bruising around his neck that made up a hand mark. They disappeared and left nothing. Then he began gently working at the bruise around his eye, until that too faded away. The past few times that Remus had made a move towards Sirius when he didn't say he was going to, he had flinched away and shrunk back. That was going to be something that they needed to work on. It wasn't there before he left, and with James being such a casually physical person, he would easily forget that rule in an instant. "Sirius. No one here will ever hurt you. Never again. "

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It isn't your fault."

"Sorry."

"Sirius."

"Right." Remus sighed heavily and carefully moved against the pillows, then he gently and slowly pulled Sirius close to him and laid down. Sirius resisted momentarily, but quickly eased up and went with the movement, finding himself curled into himself and wrapped in Remus's arms. "I promise I will never do anything like that again." His voice had a little emotion to it, other than broken. He sounded determined.

"You don't have to be perfect, love, it is improbable. You just have to try." He kissed the boy's temple, and they quickly fell asleep.

Neither of them knew that James and Lily had come to check on them, not even thirty minutes after, and told the other three downstairs that everything was going to be okay.


End file.
